The Reality of Grace

By Your Side
Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching?
As if I’m not enough?
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

-Tenth Avenue North

During the break between my two hours of I Corinthians I went into the weight room (which is right next to my classroom), left the lights off, went into the corner and cried. Dan Falls had been talking about the position of the believer as explained in I Corinthians 1.2-9. He talked about how the grace of God is truly unmerited favor. This was when I began to realize not only my complete unworthiness, but also the love and favor of God. I have tried so hard for so long in my life to produce my own spiritual fruit through my own effort because I thought that such was my duty and by my actions I could please God. Years of my life have been wasted in this endless struggle against sin. I have spent hours wondering if I had never truly been saved because I just could not make myself stop sinning. Through this all I was faced with the understanding of how utterly sinful I am to my inmost depths. I knew that God loved me, but I could not comprehend why He would love me or how He could possibly love such a sinner. I apologized to God time and again, rebuking myself for not measuring up to His standard and promising that I would obey Him the next time. You must know that this was all taking place as I was continuing to choose to act in immorality. I wondered how I could continually fall into sin time and time again. I was burdened with a load that I could not bear; in fact, I was crushed to the ground under the burden and could but wriggle my limbs in helplessness. This was my life striving to earn grace.

I have always underestimated the Word of God to change lives because I had never seen an example of such a thing. Now I see God using Scripture to challenge my thinking and bring me to my knees so that He can change me from within and lift me up into His loving embrace. My eyes are beginning to water now as I think of 'His loving embrace'. I had never understood God's love; now I long for more of His love. It as though I have been given a glass of water to cool my hot and weary body when only a short step away is a wonderful ocean ready for me to take a plunge into and be refreshed.

I have lived in such a way that I acted as if God didn't understand or care that I couldn't live perfectly for Him. Now I am beginning to understand the reality of grace in my life. There is absolutely nothing (that means NOTHING) that I can ever do to separate me from the love of God. He CHOOSES to have favor on me because He wishes to do so of His OWN gracious will. There is nothing in me deserving of favor and that is precisely what glorifies God all the more. If there was anything redeeming about myself, then God's grace would not have to be such a great thing. It is for the very reason that I am hopeless without God and need Him that magnifies His name in that HE alone is the one who can truly change me. Day by day He wishes to be the Savior of my life in my choices, my attitude, and in my relationships with others.

I end this post pleading that you who read this and realize that you are in the same position that I found myself in - that of trying to earn grace through my own effort - will contact me in some kind of way so that at the very least I may pass along the knowledge that I have been given and share how God has worked in my life to come to this realization of grace.

"Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ." - I Corinthians 1.3