The Life of Dave

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2011-10-27T18:45:00.004-04:00

Leaders and Letdowns

2011-03-08T22:09:00.004-05:00

"Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God." - Romans 13.1 (ESV)

This may be one of the most purposely overlooked verses in the whole Bible. There is just something about being in submission to authority that grates against us. Perhaps this is due to the American spirit of independence; for was not our country founded upon the rebellion of our forefathers? Is it not taught that we boldly stand up for our rights? We value our rights and the freedoms that we have as citizens of this country but at what cost?

It is said that we should consider the past in order that we might not fall into the same mistakes that were made by those who came before us. In light of this, let us consider the day and age when Christianity was just in the beginning of its development. This was the time of the apostles and the prophets. Men like Paul and Peter were at the forefront of this movement that was even said to "have turned the world upside down" (Acts 17.6). What was Paul's advice when it came to how the believer in Christ was to relate to the governmental authorities? Submission!

Now before we speak of how this teaching might affect our own attitude or treatment of authority, we must consider the situation in which these early Christians found themselves. They were labeled a sect by most of their contemporaries and mistrusted because of Christianity's close ties to Judaism (the Jews were known in the Roman world as troublemakers and rebels). Not only this but along with the preaching of the gospel (and the subsequent conversion of many) came fierce opposition from many in the Jewish community which resulted in civil unrest most every place the gospel was taken. This association with all the civil unrest did not put Christians into a favorable place among the people of the Roman Empire. In fact, for over a hundred years following the time of the apostles Christianity was consistently persecuted by the majority of the populace and oppressed by those in authority. Yet Paul has the audacity to tell his readers to be known as model citizens? This is due to how God views authority and the way in which He expects man to respond to it.

Let us travel further back in time to the most loved king of Israel's past: King David. We have record of two separate occasions when David had the opportunity to kill Saul but refused to do so (see I Sam 24 & 26). God had already told Saul that he had forfeited his right to be king because of his disobedience and had Samuel the prophet anoint David to be king in Saul's place. However, Saul continued to act as king for some time with David mostly on the run from Saul's attempts to kill him! David recognized that God was the one who had anointed Saul as king and that it was His prerogative to remove him when He saw fit.

However, we must not dismiss the importance of authority and leadership as it relates to our daily interactions with those around us. Whether at work, in school, on the road or at home, all of us deal with those in authority over us and must exercise responsibly the authority that we have been given. It should also be noted that there are some key differences between authority and leadership. Authority is the right and responsibility to lead, while leadership is the ability to lead. One might say that the authorities are in charge while leaders tend to take charge. It goes without saying that not all those in authority are good leaders. Moreover, those who lead well do not necessarily occupy positions of authority. Problems tend to arise either within our own hearts or in open conflict when both the ability and right to lead are not adequately joined together.

In regards to how we deal with authority, we must keep in mind that our responsibility is to respect and submit to the authorities over us and even to encourage others to do likewise. When we find ourselves in a position of authority we should constantly seek to better ourselves in our ability to lead those who are under us, for such is the duty that comes with authority. Furthermore, if we discover that we are more aptly suited to influence the lives of those around us than even the one in authority, we should to do so faithfully while continuing to respect the one in authority.

All in all we submit to the ultimate authority - God Almighty Himself. Jesus was the perfect leader and it is He who said: "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." -Matt 28.18-20

Professional Daydreamers

2011-01-17T15:31:00.001-05:00

Confession time: I like playing video games. And watching tv. AND reading sci-fi/fantasy books....

In the past I have attempted to appease my conscience by telling myself that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with these things. After all, what 20-year old guy doesn't like to play some video games at least every once in a while? What's so wrong with watching tv? It's relaxing my mind and is just a nice form of entertainment. I'm not even watching any of those inappropriate shows! And what could be bad about reading some books? Isn't reading supposed to be a good exercise for your brain? A thousand and one other excuses always seemed available to counter any doubts about these activities or any other ones like them. Then I read this verse: "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil" (Eph 5.15-16). Or how about this one: "Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time" (Col 4.5)? Wow. Talk about a wake up call.

In light of these words a decision must be made. What life will we choose? Is it to be fantasy or reality? We in America have become all too accustomed to a life of persistent delusions. We are professional daydreamers. We consistently prefer to accept lies over and above the truth. If you have any doubt about it, then simply walk down the aisles of any supermarket, or turn on the tv, or take a drive in your car. Images confront us everywhere we go to purchase the latest and greatest - to enjoy maximum comfort brought by our technological advancements.

I must say that I don't believe it is necessarily wrong to enjoy some form of entertainment or relaxation. What I am saying is that I believe we (myself included) tend to preoccupy ourselves with entertainment and relaxation rather than God and His Word. This is nothing new, for it is the nature of the flesh to focus on self rather than others. Though this indeed tends to be the call to Christians: get outside yourself, know God, and reach out to others. However, a dilemma occurs when we attempt to straddle the fence between Christ and the world.

We relish the fictional because it helps to distract us from reality. Truth: most of the world lives below the poverty level. Truth: human slavery still persists today in the form of sex-slaves. Truth: clean water and adequate nutrition are unavailable to most people throughout the world. As if these were not enough, we, as Christians, understand that these problems are "the tip of the iceberg" so to speak. Truth: over a third of the world's population have never even heard the name of Jesus. Truth: if nobody goes, there is no preaching; if nobody preaches, there is no hearing; if nobody hears, there is no believing; if nobody believes, there is no hope. Truth: God's desire is for ALL mankind to be saved - coming to the knowledge of the truth!

We must cling to the truth! Jesus said that the truth will set us free. His Word is truth - we must immerse ourselves in its cleansing waters of life. Christianity is not about Bible bookstores, or going to church, or feeling good about yourself. Christianity is about the truth!

Talking to Christians, Paul said: "for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light" (Eph 5.8). None of us would argue the complete difference between darkness and light. By definition they are totally contradictory to one another. God has made us into NEW creations, yet we tend to cling so much to the old. The exhortation is clear: Behave as those who have been enlightened to the truth! However, the implication is also clear: we may choose to live as if we had never known the truth in the first place! And is this not the supreme struggle that every Christian faces, though they may not even admit to it? Philippians 4.8 says this: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

Know it. Live it.

Moi Testamonies

2010-11-15T13:45:00.002-05:00

Everyone's Doing It

2010-11-10T16:17:00.008-05:00

This is a poem that I wrote a while back during a time when I was realizing the utter bankruptcy of myself. By this I mean that I found nothing good in me like the apostle Paul when he said: "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out" (Rom 7.18).

Everyone's doing it so why shouldn't I?

Why shouldn't I try it just this one time?

Maybe one time becomes maybe some more

Until all of these maybes are who I am at my core

In the depths of my heart, in the depths of my soul

Nothing good do I find, as far as I go.

I try to do good and I try to do well

But inside of this man is nothing but hell.

The only thing in this life I've found to be worth anything

Is the cross of the Christ to which desperately I cling.

It is only a few verses later that Paul is able to say this: "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death" (Rom 8.1-2).

Thank you Jesus!

Another One Bites the Dust

2010-10-25T17:10:00.003-04:00

"then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature." -Genesis 2.7

The Great and Mighty God who has just formed the universe by the power of His words is now breathing life into a pile of dirt. This contrast between divinity and humanity is strikingly manifest in these moments of man's formation. Our emergence into this world is modest indeed.

"By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return." -Genesis 3.19

The fragile nature of man has been made apparent ever since the immediate aftermath of his Fall. Every man and woman who has preceded us has experienced the stark reality of his or her own finiteness. We cannot escape the fact that we will all die. And so we distract ourselves with the pleasures of the moment hoping to forget our mortality. Fools that we are! It is time to come to grips with reality. The truth is that we are not invincible no matter how strong we may believe ourselves to be. The fantastic discoveries that we have made in our scientific studies pale in comparison to our utter lack of understanding of these very things. As our knowledge grows, so too does our awareness of that which we do not comprehend.

As Christians we delude ourselves in regards to our own strength and ability. We tend to make it our goal to 'be better' but this only reveals our lack of understanding. Do not the Scriptures declare that we are "new creations"? What could we possibly do to make ourselves 'better'? We fail to realize that God cares more about who we are than about what we do. He does not command the sinner to do good works and live righteously in order to earn salvation. Scriptures reveal that man has nothing, in and of himself, that deserves or obligates God to do anything good for him. It is on this foundational truth that we understand the grace of God - the provision of His Son as a payment for the debt which we owed. If we did not deserve this yet were given it, how can we seek to earn God's acceptance as His child when He has already given us the greatest gift of all?

We make vows and commitments to live godly but are misguided in our motive. The truth is all that will protect us from sinful desire. We must first know the truth if we are to believe it. It is to be noted that these are NOT one and the same. We may know the truth, yet fail, or even refuse, to believe it (see Rom 1.19-20). The nature of faith is confidence, reliance, and trust. It is not conjecture, speculation, or presumption. Attempting to keep the rules never worked for the Israelites; let us learn from their example! God has not declared us morally obligated but perfectly justified. We have already been accepted by Him as His children so let us not spurn His acceptance by seeking to earn it.

A great truth that I have been thinking much about is that God understands us and our weaknesses. In fact, He desires those weaknesses to be used as manifestations of His power (see 2 Cor 12.9). He does not demand instantaneous change nor does He expect perfection. However, He does require us to be faithful with what He has given us to the extent to which we are able. Any normal parent does not expect their 3 month old son to take the garbage out. They understand that the capacity for responsibility grows with maturity. God deals with us in the same manner. Be faithful with what you have been give and rest in the fact that God is continuously at work within you.

"As a father shows compassion to his children,

so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

For he knows our frame;

he remembers that we are dust."

-Psalm 103.13-14

Savior

2010-08-21T21:24:00.006-04:00

"She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins."

- Matthew 1.21

Whether we are 'saving big' at some store, saving a file on our computer, or even saving some ice cream in the freezer for later, we tend to use this word 'save' numerous times throughout our everyday lives. This word can be used in a variety of ways, but what in the world does it mean when we see it in our Bible? The root of this word as used in the Bible has to do with rescue or deliverance. The single most important aspect to consider when we see this word is to figure out from what is one being saved. By this I mean that if I were to say: "I was saved", then the proper question in response would be to ask: "What/who were you saved from?" To be saved implies something from which one has been saved.

The very name of Jesus was to emphasize the purpose of His coming: to save! Yet this was not necessarily the kind of saving that most of the Jews were expecting for He came to save them from their SINS. He did not come to build orphanages, provide clean drinking water and food, or conduct other 'humanitarian' efforts. Indeed He did heal the sick and spent much of His time with the lower classes and outcasts of society. However, His purpose on earth was much greater than that, for He understood the need of man. For man may need food and water, but Christ Himself said that He was the Bread of Life and Living Water. He identified two of the two most basic needs of men, women, and children and then applied that same label to Himself. HE is our greatest need. What does it matter if man is given food to eat and water to drink, yet dies in his sins and so goes to Hell?

I understand the value and importance of providing help for those in need, but I am convinced that we must have our priorities straight whenever we proceed to 'provide' for the needs of others. There is something seriously wrong if more time, energy, and resources are poured into 'humanitarian' efforts rather than the building of mature churches. The most important thing is the preaching and teaching of the Word of God and EVERYTHING else comes second to this. For it through the Word that the Spirit convicts us and causes our growth. It is the Word of God that reveals to us the character and nature of God. It is the through the Word of God that we gain knowledge, understanding, and wisdom. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." (John 1.1)

So what do we need to be saved from? We must be saved from our sins or else nothing else matters in the end. However, it is unfortunate because hundreds of millions of people all over the world have never heard of the provision for their need. They never will hear unless someone comes and tells them the message of the Christ - He who was made sin though there was no sin in Him, He who died on the behalf of His enemies, He who came back to life in power and honor and glory, He who lives this day in those who have believed the testimony concerning his death and resurrection. How then will we choose to live?

"and they were saying to the woman, 'It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves and know that this One is indeed the Savior of the world.' "

- John 4.42

It's Been a While

2010-07-15T17:24:00.006-04:00

It's been a while since I've updated my blog...

I've embarked on numerous adventures since then and so I'll take a little time to reflect on the past couple of months before sharing what's on my mind. As of May 15th I can now call myself a graduate of New Tribes Bible Institute. It has definitely been an exciting journey these past two years spent in Jackson, Michigan. Numerous hours have been spent in the classroom, friendships built and deepened, and too many wonderful memories to recount. For those who don't know already, I will actually be heading back to NTBI-Jackson this next year for an internship there. Mostly I'll be working in the kitchen but will also have the opportunity to continue relationships with both the staff and students at the school. I am excited for the chance to be a part (though a very small one) of reaching unreached people groups with the gospel of Christ. Because of this internship program, the cost of running the BI will be somewhat less. Why does this matter? This means that the students will not have to pay as much for their Bible education. There will be about 14 of us interns doing various jobs around the school such as child care, food services, office work, or maintenance. The program will only require about 20 hours a week; this allows the interns to get part-time jobs in Jackson. However, I will be working in the kitchen full-time which means that I will be paid for half of that time. This will be a huge benefit as I will not have to seek out another job (which can be very difficult in Jackson). Amber, my girlfriend, will also be a part of the internship program working in the office.

Anyways, since graduation I spent some time in Michigan with Amber's family, went to two weddings in beautiful Pennsylvania (and spent a week there!), went to Amber's sister's wedding in Michigan, and then Amber and I took a road trip from Michigan to Missouri to Colorado and then finally to Idaho. Yes, I know that we took a longer route than necessary but we were able to visit the Missionary Training Center in Missouri (which Amber had never seen yet) and also got to see friends of my family in Colorado Springs. My sister Bethany's wedding was the weekend after we arrived in Idaho and the next week we were able (very randomly and unexpectedly) to visit friends in northern Washington and some of Amber's relatives in southern Washington. Since then we've been involved with my church's VBS and ministry at Camp Pinewood. So yes, we have had an extremely full summer so far (and by full I mean full of great times). Now to some of what has been on my mind lately.

Truly, it's been a while. It's been a while since I've fallen to my knees in adoration and wonder of all that God is. It's been a while since I've found myself lost in contemplation of His Word. It's been a while since I've had an epiphany of God's grace. I find that is all too easy to distract myself away from the things of God. To be caught up in the moment is to have forgotten eternity. Life goes by, moment by moment, and I rarely take the time to consider the ramifications for the decisions made in this moment, this hour, this day, this life. Focus on self is the deadliest and most widespread disease of the history of man. We are all infected and there is only one cure: to die.

Paul tells us in his letter to the believers in Rome to regard ourselves as being dead - dead to sin. He goes on to say that we should regard ourselves as not only being dead to sin but also as being alive to God. Death may be the cure, but there is hope in life after death. For did not the Savior of the world demonstrate such when He Himself died? Beaten, bruised, and nailed to a cross He died an ignominious death - thieves on the crosses next to Him and His closest friends having forsaken Him. But there is hope because He rose from the dead unto new life! In like manner, I am identified with Him in His death and resurrection - dead to sin and alive to God. Dead to self-focus and alive to God-focus.

It's been a while since Jesus: the Anointed One of God, the Savior of the world, the Last Adam, the Man who is God; it's been a while since His death and resurrection. But this I say: it was those moments which have the greatest bearing on eternity for He alone is the way to the Father. In Him alone is life. He is the epitome of truth. It's been a while since He died and rose again. It's easy to get distracted and lose interest in eternity. What must always be on our minds is the fact that His return will come in but a little while.

A Question of Citizenship

2010-04-07T19:52:00.001-04:00

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth." -Colossians 3.1-2

I seem to be a creature of contradiction.

I live in a world of death, darkness, and decay. Yet most of those around me live in willful ignorance to the truth. We have manufactured a world of neon lights, suburbs, technological achievement, academic pursuit, high-minded philosophy, and comfortable morality in an effort to disguise reality. We dress up the pain and darkness of life in order to hide ourselves from the hopelessness of it all. What startles me the most is my own response to the insanity of this world. Have I become content in the contradiction?

I am a sinner turned saint. A child of God with a high calling who finds within a contradiction. For not only is he surrounded everyday with all that is contrary to God, but he continuously discovers within himself an intense craving for that which is abominable in God's sight. All that man holds dear pulls at my own heart. There is no greater enemy than ME. As if everything that would tempt me one way or another to partake in this world's delights, as if this was not enough I am indeed the true problem. The only reason why I experience any kind of internal struggle in the face of temptation is because there is that in me which loves to sin. I am the sinner who loves to sin.

"...[W]e look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." -2 Corinthians 4.18

It is to this which I am ever struggling to focus my eyes upon: that which is unseen. I cannot see God. I cannot walk up to Him as His child and talk with Him. I do not tread upon the gold of heaven's streets. What I have been given is a Book which is God's disclosure of Himself to mankind and on its pages I find many things which are hard to believe. It says things about myself that I would not know otherwise. Specifically, I am not of this world. Trusting this statement is a daily battle. This Book tells me to deny the things of this world because I am not its citizen but am heaven's own. Yet I walk upon the stones of this globe looking upon all that my eyes and heart find desirable. To deny oneself is to trust the testimony of God. It comes down to a decision whether to believe the words of this world or the Word of God. I am torn between one and the other, but there is much reward when one takes God at His word. The world offers me instant gratification, self-esteem, and little to no accountability. God offers me His Son - broken, bruised, scourged, and hanging upon a cross. A spectacle that men mocked and ridiculed. His Son who died and was laid in a tomb. His Son who came back to life and is alive today! His Son who is Life itself.

Tears are shed, bodies are laid in tombs, and men revel in their drunken orgies or high-minded snobbery. In the dark depths of this night I find hope in this Book and fix my gaze upon its words therein as the star by which sailors were known to guide their ships over the vast expanses.

"But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ." -Philippians 3.20

Working Hard but Hardly Working

2010-02-23T16:22:00.011-05:00

"Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth." -II Timothy 2.15

It's incredible to think that here I am just over halfway done with my last semester here at NTBI. It seems rather cliche to say that it seems like just yesterday I was stepping into this school as a fairly ignorant freshman but the time has really flown by. As I'm nearing the end I've been reflecting on my time here. I've been thinking about this whole idea of the worker. At the end of my time here I will have spent about 816 hours in the classroom under the teaching of God's Word and roughly the same amount or more spent in required homework for the classes. These numbers might seem impressive, but this was really only the bare minimum that needed to be completed. I have found it so incredibly easy to fulfill these 'obligations' and devote the rest of my time to what I wanted to do. The issue has always been a matter of priorities. It doesn't really matter whether I have 15 minutes of 'free' time or 6 hours of 'free' time - what I do with my time often reflects my value system. Those who value sports will make the time to play. Those who value reading will make the time to sit down and read their latest novel. Those who value spending time hanging out with people will make the time to do so. Those who value an intimate relationship with God will MAKE the time to read, study, meditate on His Word. This is not just going to class and doing my homework. This means intentional time spent soaking in the Word of God. Yes, classes can help one to gain understanding and insight and homework can be an excellent way to spend some intentional time with God in His Word, but they are NOT the end goal. This has been a real struggle all through my time here at NTBI because it is so easy to disconnect from it all and make it into mere academia and the learning of facts. NO! As one of my teachers here has told us several times: "We are in a living relationship with a living God." We must not lose sight of this in all the academia or we have lost the very reason for such academic pursuit.

However, I am also coming to recognize my utter need of being in the Word continually. It is the TRUTH, my secure foundation. I must learn to approach the Word with neither intellectual infatuation nor apathy. This is a surprisingly difficult balance to maintain for one day I am consumed with all the academia of my studies in the Word and the next I am almost indifferent to it. I must be intentional in my relationship with God and pour out hard work to understand the Scriptures in order to better understand my heavenly Father. It's just like any other relationship that you want to grow deeper; you've got to spend a lot of time building it but you've also got to be intentional in the relationship by making time for the other and really seeking to understand them at their core level. The good thing about God is that He's ALWAYS there for me to come back to and I'm the only one who ever really steps away from the relationship.

The other thing I've been thinking about is this whole idea of rest. Sure we should work hard as the servants that we are, but we must not think that it is all about how much we strain and stretch ourselves for that is simple pride in our own abilities and strength. As the apostle Paul himself said: "I can do all things through him who strengthens me" (Php 4.13). His strength was great and not of himself, therefore his effort was sensational. The reason for this is that he did all things relying on the ability of God to do the impossible. In the midst of intense labor we must stop and ask ourselves if we are relying on our own strength or the strength of the Almighty. In this we find rest and can put forth much expenditure from THIS position of God-dependence.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." - Matthew 11.28-30

Family

2009-12-19T00:30:00.003-05:00

Family is a thing of contradiction. They are those you love the most but can be some of the most aggravating people on the face of the earth. When you live with them you can't wait to leave, but when you've gone away you can't wait to be with them once again. Brothers and sisters who are supposed to be friends turn into friends who so happen to be brothers and sisters. Parents are at one time belittled but then are exalted to a place of high honor in the eyes of their children. To live in a family is an adventure full of peril and the possibility of great reward. An adventure to be pursued indeed.

No family is perfect for EVERY single person that makes it up is imperfect. The home is a unique setting wherein we may learn how to love, respect, and serve others. God has revealed the ideal for such relationships:

"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

-Colossians 3.18-21

Though there are different roles and responsibilities of those who make up the family, ALL are to do what is best for others.

Whoever said that actions speak louder than words had it mostly right. God has told us to SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE. We are not to cower from sharing the truth with others, but this must be done in the right manner and at the right time. What this also means is that our life must demonstrate that what we speak is actually being lived out by us. This requires a multitude of moment-to-moment decisions to say very little or even nothing at all and CHOOSE to put another before one's own self. It is those who are known for their love for others and their humble service who will have a greater impact on the lives they long to be changed for the better. For it surely brings a quick cut to the heart when one sees a loved one making selfish, foolish, and/or hurtful decisions. It is a difficult thing to live in a world full of difficult people, but did not Christ, the Anointed One of God, do such for those who were his enemies. God be praised to the utmost for His work of salvation to reconcile such difficult people to Himself wherein we now enjoy a secure relationship with our Father who we may even call Daddy.

I end this with a lighter heart and renewed resolve to put my family before myself and seek their betterment at all times - though I may be hurt, though change may come slowly, though I may fail. Thank you my Father for sending your Son whose very Life is inside this fragile clay pot of mine and the work of the Spirit whom you sent to empower me as I choose to walk in light of my position and identity in Christ.

Prayer

2009-11-03T21:13:00.004-05:00

Prayer.

A six-letter word that contains an immensity of significance and meaning. Prayer at its simplest is communication with God. At its greatest it is connection with God. We are exhorted to pray, but it is more than a religious duty. We read of great prayers in the Scriptures, but find it difficult to understand their source. I have come face-to-face with the bankruptcy seen in my own prayer life, but was helpless in seeing any kind of true change. But then...

I came to the realization that I was trying to pray good prayers. I was striving to put together the words that would look the best in a prayer. Such was my fundamental mistake. In my thinking I had made a disconnect between talking with God and talking with people. I assumed that prayer was somehow different. Yet Christ Himself instructed us in the manner of prayer as praying unto our Father. Abba, daddy! And so I began to talk with God as I would talk with my closest friend or with my own earthly dad. In fact, our talks were so much sweeter than any kind of communication with another human, for I was talking with GOD! I could talk to Him about my greatest fears, my indescribable joys, my seemingly hopeless defeats, my victory that I experienced because of His Son. I could talk with Him about the mundane things of life and about the deep truths that I was learning from His very own Word. These times where I talk with God are the most precious moments of my life. He is my friend, but more than a friend. He is my Savior, my Life, my Father, my Lord, my God, my ALL.

As I type these words I have almost begun to cry, simply thinking about my talks with God. Today was the NTM (New Tribes Mission) Day of Prayer and so I spent some time alone today just talking (out loud) with my God. Sadly enough, I have not given time to God very much at all this semester, always blaming it on my busyness or the fact that I know I am in constant communication with Him at all times. But there is something about our 'talks' that are oh so sweet. I would even compare this to a human relationship. Sure I may talk all the time with my friend, but it our 'talks' that are the most valuable and most treasured parts of our relationship.

If you have not seen my write of the secret of an awesome prayer life, this is because I have not done so. I would almost say that there is actually no secret at all, yet I hesitate in regard to saying such a thing. For if most do not know the way of a matter, then is it not a secret if you yourself know? And so I would whisper to you this secret, trusting that you likewise would pass this whisper along. It is so delicate that it must only be mentioned in a whisper. The secret is thus: the depth of my prayer life is ALWAYS dependent on the depth of my relationship with God. I have seen it proven true in my own life; it was no matter of learning "how to pray" that transformed my prayer life, but it was deepening in my love and understanding of God that flowed naturally into a transformed prayer life.

I end with this. I have yet to find in the Scriptures any "how to do it" manuals on prayer, but I have seen men of God pray for people: that they would grow in the knowledge and understanding of Christ, that they would grow in grace. We cannot talk with someone whom we do not know, so let us continue to learn more and more and more about our God. For such is our fate for all eternity: to grow in the knowledge of our God who is limitless and infinite. Ready to be joyously surprised by God forever? Let's pray

Intentional

2009-10-16T23:31:00.005-04:00

One thing that I have been heavily challenged with lately is the intentionality of my life. Specifically in the context of relationships: with God through prayer and His Word, with fellow believers, and with the unbelievers all around me. It is the fool who lacks discernment in his choices and simply lets the wind blow him every which way. No deep relationship with another has ever come about through mere chance. It is to the degree of intentionality that there is even the possibility of deepening a relationship.

"Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong." - I Corinthians 16.13

It is time to leave the childish ways of weak integrity, human dependence, and self-focus. The man of God is simply he who has come before his Lord with humility, godly sorrow, and dependence. I recognize such a man as one who walks intimately with God, yet I must declare that I am no such man. So much of the time I deceive myself and others into thinking that I am a great young man who is dedicated to serving and obeying God. For though a young sapling may grow in leaps and bounds (especially in proportion to how big it was before), it is far away from the strength of the mighty oak that has stood for multitudes of seasons.

Christ was one who was intentional about life. His work was to do His Father's will and there was nothing more important to Him than such. EVERYTHING that he said or did flowed out of His purpose. And so we see that we too are called to such a mindset in our work. Our work is the ministry of reconciliation: to see men made right with God. It is a mighty task which requires more than all we have to offer of ourselves. For it is only the very life of Christ within us that is adequate for such a task.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." -John 15.5

Care

2009-10-06T20:36:00.004-04:00

WHO CARES?

This is a question that so permeates the attitude of much of our culture today and is one to which Christians are not immune. We see it time and time again, yet we rarely think of the implications of such a statement. The person who says, "Who cares?" in a flippant manner reveals their heart for what it is: uncaring. I concede that not every such statement is one that is expressed for the sole purpose of communicating disregard for another, but does it not still show where the heart is at or the bent of thinking that one has bought into? For I would challenge that we, even as Christians, are more influenced by the world system than we would admit. We have adopted, in large part, an attitude of indifference toward others. In this area I have been personally challenged, convicted, cut to the heart (whatever you would like to say), and so I now wish to pass this on.

When I first began to realize such a tendency within myself I did not regard it with much discernment. It was but a small flaw, I thought, and I must focus on other things. Oh the naivety and foolishness of my heart! The Word of God had shed light on my uncaring heart, but it was through experience (and failure!) that my own eyes were opened to the depths of wickedness within me. For what does an uncaring attitude signify but pride, arrogance, conceit? I would dare say that it clearly shows that I am a lover of myself, consumed with myself and all that I make myself out to be. To look on others as simply those who may please me is the height of conceit and to see them as below myself is nothing but total arrogance. And so I am left in wonder at my awful state, shocked almost beyond belief. Yet there is hope!

Now I know that I cannot produce love in my life. For it is a fruit OF THE SPIRIT and hence is NOT OF ME. And so I trust in God to produce Christ's life in me; to reckon that I truly am dead to sin. I now choose to refuse to walk according to the flesh: selfishness and self-focus. "To be disappointed with yourself is to have believed in yourself." -Miles Stanford: The Complete Green Letters. And so I continue, not in frustration or disappointment, but with confidence (FAITH!) in God. I should not be surprised that I have such an uncaring attitude toward others, but simply recognize it and look to God for Him to change me and confidently expect to be changed over time.

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." -Romans 5.5

Maturity

2009-08-24T20:01:00.002-04:00

When I think of someone who is mature I don't primarily think of some nineteen year old kid who has only been out of high school for one year, has never had a 'real' job, and has been known to fall on the ground laughing at people. Yet this is who I am. Am I mature?

The first 'week' of school has recently been completed and I now take some time to reflect on who I was about one year ago. There has been so much about me that has changed that I would not know where to exactly begin if I had to spell it all out. And so I shall focus on one main area that truly affects every other area and could be called the most important anyways. I can say with total confidence that I have grown more spiritually in this last year than I have in all the years together before. Even now fully comprehending that it was never of my own self-effort that would produce this within me, but it was the power of the very Word of God in my life. Life has been marked with tears, pain, and failure but God has seen fit to use such affliction to draw me into His embrace so that I may understand more in part of His great love.

Last night I had a long talk with a good friend here at Bible school and, among other things, I asked him why he and his wife seemed to invest so much into me. What he said has given me much to ponder and it was this: that they saw in me a desire to grow in my relationship with God and a true faith. I seem to still have trouble in connecting words like "faith" into real life (probably due to my saturation in the world of Christianity since early childhood). I wondered what really made me different than anyone else. Almost contradictorily I seem to both view a select few in a state of Christian perfection and haughtily overlook others as being less worthy than myself. But is not every believer the same in Christ? For Christ did not come to play favorites or to exalt some while diminishing others, but all have been put "in Christ" as He also has been put into them. So there is no reason for shame when regarding the lives of other believers. Does not the Good Book say that there is now "no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"?

Along the lines of maturity I wish to share my present situation concerning the topic of wisdom. I have been told that "God does not give us answers, He gives us wisdom." Until most recently I have not been presented with such a situation that I earnestly longed for God to simply give me the answers to my problem but understood that I was only to receive wisdom when I asked of God. In a way it is a frustrating process because it is only natural to want to know the answer immediately when there is a problem. Yet therein lies the problem: it is natural to desire answers but it is evidence of godliness to trust in the wisdom of God.

I write in the understanding that I have yet many more years ahead of me, if in God's will I do not die and Christ continues to tarry, to endure the afflictions that this present life brings and learn to abide in the True Vine, Jesus Christ. This is a day by day process wherein the key lies in trusting God for everything and placing no confidence in anything else.

"But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." -Hebrews 3.13

Insignificance

2009-08-17T16:39:00.002-04:00

They say to dream big dreams and yet I doubt this statement for the most part. Why is it that man has this natural tendency towards wanting to become more than he is? We have splendid thoughts and ideas of grandiose splendor that never materialize but we comfort ourselves with the warm and fuzzy feelings they give us of self-imposed greatness. It is foolish to think of myself as more important than I actually am. Do I seek greatness in order to cover up my own utter lack of such a thing? A beloved teacher of mine has said, "I don't want to do great things for God; I want God to do great things through me." It might appear that this would actually be the same thing for great things are still being done. The weight of such a statement lies in who is actually doing the work of 'great things.' I must ask myself if I am seeking my own gain and puffing myself up or if God Himself is at work in me - doing His great acts. The works themselves are never proof of God at work. It is wisdom in discernment that discovers who is at work.

I usually think of myself as being fairly important and worthy of whatever benefits I receive. This is simply a twisted and corrupt view that warps judgment and feeds pride. I have recently been entrusted with the responsibility of being a Resident Assistant for a dorm of eight guys here at my school. My basic instinct is to silently acknowledge in my heart that this was simply supposed to happen this way because I honestly believe that I deserve to be an RA. As the full weight of responsibility and service that this position requires has begun to sink in I am beginning to understand the depth of my inadequacy. I have little wisdom in how to proceed. How am I supposed to be a great RA that is both a leader and a friend? Ministry seems to have a way of beating up everything that is not of Christ and leaves what little is left of that which has been entrusted to Him.

In all this my own insignificance is beginning to be revealed. I would like to think at many times that I am significant and full of great importance but in all reality I am nothing. My life is simply to be used for the sake of others as I serve in all humility and love towards God and men. I walk in anticipation, waiting for God to do His work through me. Will you walk with me?

Mysterious

2009-08-04T22:12:00.002-04:00

"For I want you to know how great a struggle I have for you and for those at Laodicea and for all who have not seen me face to face, that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge." -Colossians 2.1-3

Today we drove across the great state of Nebraska on our way to Jackson, Michigan (and New Tribes Bible Institute). I was listening to one of my favorite Christian authors/speakers; his name is Ravi Zacharias. In one part of his speech he described the contrary nature of the God-man Jesus Christ. For example, He surrounded himself with sinners of the most looked-down upon sorts and yet spoke the strongest words against sin. In Jesus we find the nature of divine personality, and of sorts that it almost seems to be contradictory when lived out in human instrumentality. What I mean by this is that the life of Christ was such that it demonstrated true righteousness, denounced all forms of man's self-made attempts to struggle upwards to God, and developed a greater way wherein life sprang forth from death and Love bound everything together.

The greatest problem of mankind has been in its overwhelming refusal to accept its Savior, its Lord, its Life. Man denies the fact that he even needs a Savior, for such a pronouncement would shine light upon his despicable state as he hides in his own darkness. When he will not name Christ as his Savior there is no point in his ever naming Him as his Lord, for nobody can be master over something that is not their own and has no life. Only when Christ is the actual Life of one who has believed in Him can this tri-nature of Christ be embraced in full and the reality of completeness in Him will be an accepted state of being.

Christ is the mystery. He is the question that must be answered. What will we do with Christ?

Obeyin' the 'Rents

2009-07-28T11:57:00.005-04:00

"Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."
-Colossians 3.20

I do not know why God has chosen fit to have given me wonderful parents who love Him, love me, and are seeking after His righteousness present in their lives. However, this I must declare: that I am so very thankful for such parents. I will abound in thanksgiving all the more as I learn of the good that God has already given unto me.

Parents are such creatures that may be able to hide faults from most everyone around them, but will never even be able to hide a minor shortcoming from their children. They are known by their children almost as much as their spouse knows them; for the child sees his parents in all their glory and in the depths of failure and defeat. How utterly impossible it is to raise children in righteousness when their authorities themselves fail to live perfectly righteous! This must be an impossibility if not for Christ our Lord.

It is a narrow idea of God that sees Him as such that does not experience pleasure, yet has this not been my view of Him so much of the time? It challenges my thinking to realize that God is indeed pleased when I obey my parents. Does this obedience not serve a dual purpose? For it not only unites both child and parent and espouses order in their lives, but it serves as a unique reminder of the relationship of every believer to his heavenly Father, who is the epitome of all perfection, loves us to the utmost, and would see us grasp all the riches that He has laid before us.

And thus I strive to obey my parents in all peace and humility so that I may bring pleasure to them and to my Father. For obedience is such that it confronts self at every turn and quickens my heart to recognize when I am living in such a way that focuses on me rather than on Christ. It is the ultimate test for a believer that takes advantage of his freedom or of one that gives of himself because of the advantage of his freedom. Which one will you and I be?

Time for some Reckoning

2009-07-18T01:52:00.002-04:00

"We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to noting, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin."
-Romans 6.6-7

It is a most arrogant thing to think that I can be victorious over sin by my own power, and yet this is what I do most every day. It is as if I doubt the very Word of God that it is not about me and my own strength to live a life of righteousness unto God, but it is "not I but Christ" and His life in me that allows me to live for Him. I get frustrated with myself when I fail to live up to His standard but this reveals my own ignorance, for I trusted in my own strength instead of leaning on His. Time and time again I beat my head in anger as I struggle to understand why it feels so good to sin and it is so very difficult to resist. Can it be that I have made my enemy more than he is? Has the mist of darkness clouded my vision and puffed up an insignificant enemy into a monstrous foe in my deluded eyes? For God has declared that all who believe are henceforth and forevermore DEAD TO SIN. Christ not only died FOR me on the cross, but I died WITH Him as well. My life is hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3.3)! Christ's life is in me and sin has no more power over me.

"He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."
-Colossians 1.13-14

Long live the King!

For those who read this and wish to pray for me I humbly request that your prayers be those of Paul's for the Colossians in chapter 1.9-12.

"Grace to you and peace from God our Father" (Colossians 1.2b)

The Life of Mercy

2009-06-25T12:39:00.003-04:00

"So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment."
-James 2.12-13

When looking at the life of Christ I find that His was a life full of mercy toward others. He, as God Himself, had the authority to judge all men and will indeed be the ultimate Judge at the end of the age. Yet we find that Jesus lived on this earth in order to save the world, with no compulsion to condemn it (John 3.17). It is interesting to realize that He came in all mercy, pouring out compassion on those who were absolutely undeserving of it. It was not those who were esteemed in the eyes of the world, but those who were looked down upon that flocked to Jesus. This was because sinful man is quick to judge others from a lofty tower of self-righteousness. Christ showed favor and by this He reached down into the depths of souls and awakened in them the desire to love. For all men feel the effects of their own desire to be loved by another; the desire is never fulfilled but is always realized a farce. Stronger even than the desire to be loved is the desire to love another. Does not God Himself show this to be true? God has no need to be loved by man, for He is fully sufficient in His very self. Yet He created man in His own image, that He might love man and give man the ability to love God and his fellow men. In that the Son of Man so changed the lives of those around Him, His children have also been called to do the same.

It seems so much easier to judge others rather than to have mercy on them. Lack of clarity regarding the choice between judgment and mercy may simply be a lack of having plumbed the depths of mercy. Is it not easier to forgive another for something that we ourselves have received forgiveness? Truly we have been forgiven all our faults and yet we live as if others cannot have theirs forgiven. As we have forgiven so also should we forgive others. Do the Scriptures not say such a thing? Too often I have misled myself into condemning others for the sin I see present in them and I am left to wonder why there is no positive response to my reproof. MERCY TRIUMPHS OVER JUDGMENT. The validity of such a statement seems skeptical but Christ Himself proved it to be true! We know that man has plenty to condemn him, but only One can save him. It is not our prerogative to highlight the shortcomings in another, but to show unto others that same mercy that we have been shown. This can create a thirst and a hunger in another for that mercy and grace that only comes from God. The life of mercy is not achieved through morality and kindness, but is achieved when such mercy as one's self has received so also gives unto others.

Love, hate, and everything in between

2009-06-09T20:38:00.002-04:00

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." -I John 4.18

I love you.
This is what God says to me every moment of every day.

I hate you. I cannot accept your love. I only care about me. I want to do what I want to do. I will gratify my own sinful desires even though I know I will regret it afterward. I'm too busy to talk to you. I'm too bored to spend time reading your book. I deserve to be punished. I'm afraid. I despise you.
This is what I say to God a majority of the time.

I have always thought that the correct approach to dealing with my sin is to confess it as soon as possible and ask for forgiveness so that I will not be punished for my sin against God. The biggest reason I avoid sin is because I am afraid of the consequences. I fear the effect on others and the wrath of God. However much I seek to avoid it, when I am faced with my sin it is a pointed reminder that I am not perfect nor will I ever be sinless in this life. What does it mean to be forgiven your sins if you must continue to ask for forgiveness? I hold that I have been forgiven once and for all and that God loves me - this love is without fear.
I do not have to be afraid, for I am loved by God. Perfect love has nothing whatsoever to do with fear. There is nothing to fear if there is no punishment involved in the relationship between me and God. He will not punish me for anything, for I am his child and he is my Father. On the other hand, he will not relinquish his duty to discipline me when it is necessary for my sake and/or the sake of those around me. Discipline is the correction for the good of the other; punishment is to make one pay the price for a wrong done. It is only by understanding the reality of God's position of love that I may be made complete in that love.

"We love, because He first loved us. If someone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who doe snot love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we ahve from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also." -I John 4.19-21

I am called to love everyone with the same kind of love that God showers upon me. Do I hold up expectations for people that they are unable to fulfill and so condemn them in my mind as failures who do not deserve to be loved the same as those who are apparently walking in obedience? It is easy to point out the faults of one whom I know well and seek to change their behavior, rather than loving them for who they are, failures and all. Will I trust that the power of the Holy Spirit is more able to change people from the inside out than I am able to berate their behavior? Sometimes I think it may be better to say nothing at all, even though someone may have totally just screwed up. Can I not wait until later to talk to them about it in private so they are not condemned before others? Love calls me to come and die: to give up what I want so that I may serve others in order to give them what they need.

Love gives me hope that when I fail I can walk up to my Father, give him a hug, tell him I failed, and ask him what to do now.

Frustrated?

2009-05-30T13:27:00.004-04:00

Recently I have been thinking about a lot of stuff. I've been getting a little frustrated with believers around me who aren't acting very much like Christ. But then I have to remember that I am really not that much different from them. It is easier to cast judgment on immaturity in another than to recognize the Spirit of God at work within the other and thank God for the life of a brother or sister in Christ. As God takes each of His beloved children by the hand and loves on them no matter how spiritually mature or immature they may be, so I must regard my fellow in Christ. It is not nearly enough to simply care for another, but care must be lived out in every moment. I am beginning to think that if you do not make an effort to put others first in the simple and even mundane things of life, you will never get the permission to speak freely into another's life. I find it difficult to understand my feelings of frustration with a fellow believer and the knowledge that they are capable of so much more and should even be rebuked of selfish behavior unto godliness. My mom once wrote to me that I shouldn't be frustrated when people don't live up to my expectations. Though I may sincerely hope for others' spiritual growth and maturity, I should not be disappointed with their failure. For does not God also use great human failure to draw men closer unto Him and so break them of self-sufficiency in order that they may learn to trust Him more fully? In all this I look at myself and search through my own heart. In those areas I find it apparently difficult to obey God, it is so because I have not chosen to trust that He is fully able to provide for everything I need. I ponder deeper and discover apathy towards others and a heart filled with vain pride, selfishness, and conceit. Truly may abundant thanks be given unto God for working in and through my own failure to accomplish His work. May I never forget my need for Him and His desire for me.

Attitude

2009-05-25T21:03:00.002-04:00

My football coach for my senior year had shirts for our team made that said, "It all starts with attitude." I've been thinking about this whole subject of my attitude towards circumstances or just life in general. Nobody likes someone who has a bad attitude and yet we want people to just handle it when we're in a bad mood. How does this build up the body of Christ? How does this display a life transformed by the power of Christ working in me? I declare that it does not.

To keep this simple I will simply describe all sorts of attitude under the generalized terms of "good" and "bad". When I think of someone who has a "good" attitude I often think of cheerfulness, positivity, joy, etc. People are naturally drawn to someone who is radiating encouragement. It is almost ridiculously funny how a simple change of attitude can mean the difference between a long and tiresome road trip that is filled with bickering and arguing to one that is enjoyable and fun (I write this thinking of the sixteen hour drive to southern California that my family will take down there tomorrow). A genuine "good" attitude is more than skin deep; it flows out of a loving heart that expresses itself by putting others first. Interesting how the Word of God speaks of love: "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Loves bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends" (I Corinthians 13.4-8a).

My past week has been filled with reconnecting with old friends and enjoying the company of missed relatives. I have been thinking about how the words that I say and the things that I do for other people affect them and I have come to the conclusion that people are of immense importance. Can I not give of myself so that others are encouraged and strengthened? It begins with the little things like taking out the trash, writing an encouraging note, or taking the time to stop and really listen to someone.

I must say that I certainly do not condemn one who has a "bad" attitude. I also realize that behind every "bad" attitude there is a reason that needs to be understood in order to truly care for someone who has a "bad" attitude. Having a "bad" attitude can be the result of a multitude of reasons: lack of sleep, headache, sickness, etc. These are all circumstances that weaken one's constitution and can make us more vulnerable to give in to temptation. Nonetheless, when it comes down to it, a "bad" attitude is always selfish and is a result of a focus on self instead of others. Even though circumstances may seemingly justify having a "bad" attitude, it is the love of Christ that compels me to glorify God in ALL circumstances: good and bad.

Understood not in Part but in Whole

2009-05-03T18:19:00.003-04:00

Today I began to read Caring Enough to Hear and Be Heard by David Augsburger for my class Biblical Principles For Handling Conflict that begins tomorrow. Part of the first chapter talked about how people are usually quick to express the more positive aspects of their thinking, but are reluctant to share the more negative side. Though we fear sharing the negative side, all people have a deep desire for someone to listen to both their positive AND negative parts and understand them. I thought through some of the questions at the end of the chapter and came to conclusions about myself that I had never really formulated into words.

"One of the positive feelings I often have, but I do not reveal to you, is..." that I truly feel loved and accepted when I can tell that someone is excited to see me and wants to spend time with me. Even when I was a child I would eagerly wait in expectation when I knew that someone I held dear was soon to come. Many times I would anxiously wait outside for hours, turning my ear to every sound of a car approaching that might hold those I loved. When I could see them come I would break out into a big grin and wait for them to come and unload so that I could be with them. Because of this I feel loved and accepted when people act in such manner to me.

"One of the negative feelings I often have, but I do not reveal to you, is..." that it hurts me when people don't seem to care that I am even there. My freshman year of high school was a year of lonliness and hiding. My family had moved to Idaho from California during the summer and I hated it from the first I heard the news. I had gone to a private Christian school for all of my life previously and this was my first experience of a public high school. I know that it may seem weak, but I am not ashamed to admit that I was severely frightened to go to such a school. I knew about 5 people in the entire school who were from my church (none of them were in my grade). I had played flag football in junior high and so my parents encouraged me to play at my school in Idaho. They played tackle football (which I had never played before) which was extremely hard on a little freshman twig like me. I made a couple of acquaintances on the team but broke my leg about 2 games into the season. It took only about 3 more weeks for me to totally disassociate myself from everyone on the team. My days were such: I woke up and went to school, ate lunch by myself in the hallway with a book in my hand, finshed up school and went back home. This lasted the entire rest of the year broken up intermittedly by some people who would sometimes talk to me. I believe that that whole experience scarred my heart so deep that I have repressed many of my memories of that year and covered over all of the hurt. It took me the entire next year at a Christian school to actually open up and make real friends. I think that even today I am affected by all that happened for I see myself as not being able to relate very easily with others socially.

It was not until today that I more fully realized this about myself and have actually took the time to think about how all of the experiences of my life have truly shaped me into the person that I am today. Every person is a unique individual who is yet connected to all other unique individuals by the common bonds that all of humanity shares. We grow as we learn to listen to other people to understand what they really mean by their words. Only a good listener has the ability to speak rightly into another person's life.

Such a Haughty

2009-04-30T13:57:00.002-04:00

I was faced with the realization last night that I am an exceedingly conceited person. For so long I have looked on others as being less than me. Too many times have I judged another believer solely on the basis of outward actions and have dismissed them as one who is not trying to walk with the Lord. I Corinthians 4.5 says, "Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God." Who am I to judge another believer, especially without even talking to him or her, and condemn them in my heart? How totally arrogant of me to hold others to a standard to which I myself do not hold up. The hypocrite is easily blinded to his own hypocrisy.

Not only have I judged other believers without proper evaluation of the situation, but in doing so I have suffered the consequences of missed fellowship with those believers. He who I regarded as simple-minded has humbled me by showing to me the wisdom of his own appraisal of situations in life. He did not tell me that he was wise in his evaluation, but in his words I could see a changed life that was learning and practically applying truths of the Word to areas of life that I have failed miserably in making much progress. What a treasure and a friend that I have wasted while spending time by myself in my ivory tower. In reality it was a dream tower and I have always been down on the same level with everyone else. I Corinthians 4.5 says, "For who regards you as superior? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?" I am one member in the body of Christ: neither greater nor less than any other member. There is no superior but Christ.

God continually reveals to me my own failures and faults and He has been faithful to change my messed up thinking so that I may live by divine wisdom. I had never realized what an extensive thing this whole Christianity deal was. We are truly under an economy of grace that stretches throughout every part of our lives and is applicable to everything. There is no part of my life that God does not desire to be a part of and so He will continually break down my stubborn heart so that He may mold it into a thing of beauty and praise. Praise the LORD all the earth!

The Reality of Grace

2009-04-28T21:28:00.003-04:00

By Your Side
Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching?
As if I’m not enough?
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

-Tenth Avenue North

During the break between my two hours of I Corinthians I went into the weight room (which is right next to my classroom), left the lights off, went into the corner and cried. Dan Falls had been talking about the position of the believer as explained in I Corinthians 1.2-9. He talked about how the grace of God is truly unmerited favor. This was when I began to realize not only my complete unworthiness, but also the love and favor of God. I have tried so hard for so long in my life to produce my own spiritual fruit through my own effort because I thought that such was my duty and by my actions I could please God. Years of my life have been wasted in this endless struggle against sin. I have spent hours wondering if I had never truly been saved because I just could not make myself stop sinning. Through this all I was faced with the understanding of how utterly sinful I am to my inmost depths. I knew that God loved me, but I could not comprehend why He would love me or how He could possibly love such a sinner. I apologized to God time and again, rebuking myself for not measuring up to His standard and promising that I would obey Him the next time. You must know that this was all taking place as I was continuing to choose to act in immorality. I wondered how I could continually fall into sin time and time again. I was burdened with a load that I could not bear; in fact, I was crushed to the ground under the burden and could but wriggle my limbs in helplessness. This was my life striving to earn grace.

I have always underestimated the Word of God to change lives because I had never seen an example of such a thing. Now I see God using Scripture to challenge my thinking and bring me to my knees so that He can change me from within and lift me up into His loving embrace. My eyes are beginning to water now as I think of 'His loving embrace'. I had never understood God's love; now I long for more of His love. It as though I have been given a glass of water to cool my hot and weary body when only a short step away is a wonderful ocean ready for me to take a plunge into and be refreshed.

I have lived in such a way that I acted as if God didn't understand or care that I couldn't live perfectly for Him. Now I am beginning to understand the reality of grace in my life. There is absolutely nothing (that means NOTHING) that I can ever do to separate me from the love of God. He CHOOSES to have favor on me because He wishes to do so of His OWN gracious will. There is nothing in me deserving of favor and that is precisely what glorifies God all the more. If there was anything redeeming about myself, then God's grace would not have to be such a great thing. It is for the very reason that I am hopeless without God and need Him that magnifies His name in that HE alone is the one who can truly change me. Day by day He wishes to be the Savior of my life in my choices, my attitude, and in my relationships with others.

I end this post pleading that you who read this and realize that you are in the same position that I found myself in - that of trying to earn grace through my own effort - will contact me in some kind of way so that at the very least I may pass along the knowledge that I have been given and share how God has worked in my life to come to this realization of grace.

"Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ." - I Corinthians 1.3

In Regard of You

2009-04-07T18:46:00.004-04:00

"But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, "God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

-James 4:6

A couple days ago I was able to hear from a teacher here (George Walker) at the Missionary Training Center in Missouri share his heart to us and talk to us about different things on the field when he was a missionary in the tribe. He spoke to us concerning topics such as fear, depression, conflict, and some other problems that people go through (focused on his own experiences in the tribe). He simply talked with us at the heart level and was totally honest and real about his life in the tribe. What touched me the most was him telling us the depths of his failure in relationships with other people and the ways in which God used those failures to humble him and grow him to maturity.

In the same way, I have been thinking a lot lately about my own failures in developing relationships with other people. My biggest problem is simply not taking the time to invest in people's lives and only keeping most relationships in fairly shallow water. Sometimes I blame this on the fact that I am too busy with EVERYTHING that I have to do: homework, dorm detail, quiet time, sister, work program, classes, dorm life, more homework, work program leader, youth group, campus life, and whatever else I end up doing throughout the day that needs to be done. Obviously many of these things have importance and need to be taken care of, but I see in my life a growing busyness that is beginning to drown me. I feel as if there is ALWAYS something that I could be doing at any given moment and this feeling has been hindering the amount of time I choose to free up for other people. I fully understand the importance of my studies, but I struggle to place my own interests aside in favor of others. Incessantly my mind is brought back to Philippians 2.4 "Do not merely look out for your own personal interests but also for the interests of others." My life is not about me, but about loving God and loving others; I must choose wisely in order to be able to give of myself to other people.

If it is not busyness that keeps me from building relationships with others, it is failure in some other area of my life. I sometimes find it difficult to start conversations of depth even with people that I trust and with whom I usually feel fairly comfortable. I find myself subconsciously avoiding people because it is hard for me to talk to them. Other times I honestly just don't want to really get to know a person because I don't see anything in them that they can offer me. These all reveal to me the depth of my insecurity and selfishness.

Though I may seem to be focusing overly on the many failures of my life in building relationships with other people, I may also rejoice in the many good friendships that I have built both here and at home. There are indeed those in whom I have complete confidence, can confide anything, and am growing with despite any revealed ineptitude in either them or me. In light of all this I can confidently say that though all men fail me I may rest peacefully and stand securely in Him whom the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form and who now sits at the right hand of God and who became sin for me so that I would not have to pay the penalty for my sin. He truly is the Lover of my soul and in Him I find strength and in Him I regard others as more important than myself.

New Tribes Bible Institute

2009-04-03T23:31:00.001-04:00

Spring Break

2009-03-30T20:57:00.007-04:00

Spring break is finally here! I am down at the MTC (Missionary Training Center) in Roach, Missouri with a bunch of friends from NTBI Jackson. We left at 10pm on Friday night and drove for ten and a half hours to get here early Saturday morning. It was a long and exhausting drive and I'm simply glad that I didn't have to drive. I've been having an amazing time, have been challenged from talking to people here, and am getting excited to go here after Bible school. On Sunday I went to a church nearby with some people where we heard a tribal leader from Brazil. He spoke Portuguese and so one of the teachers from MTC was there translating for him. It was incredible to hear this man open the Scriptures to us and share his heart with us concerning tribal people around the world. He, along with tribal leaders from six other countries, were to meet the next day in Florida with many different mission organization to discuss how they could all work together in order to reach tribal people with the gospel. Towards the beginning of his time sharing with us he talked about the concept of the chief in his tribe. Our idea of the tribal chief is of one who is in charge of other people, but the real character of their chief was of one who, in a sense, "led by example" and did something first for others to follow them. He equated this with how Jesus is our example in that He has already done what He calls us to do in humbling ourselves and giving up our lives for God. I have been memorizing Philippians 2:1-11 for my Christology class and am daily challenged from simply going through the process of saying it and reading it repeatedly in order to memorize it. Philippians 2:8 says, "Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." Thinking on this passage constantly has been pointing out to me time after time the ultimate example of humility that Jesus has set and I am always thinking of how I can have the same attitude of Christ.

Being here at MTC has been making me think more about the future and is reminding me that I am at Bible school not only to be grounded in the Word, but to prepare for a life of ministry. I think that lately I have had my primary focus on my studies. This is not in any way a bad thing, but through it I have been somewhat neglecting the people around me. Part of my training at Bible school is also to grow with other believers in that we should have a mutual building up of each other toward godly lives in unity. Philippians 2.3-4 has also been on my mind almost incessantly lately: "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." I've been trying to think of ways in which I can serve those around me and truly consider others as more important than myself. It's been amazing in that as I have been striving to have such an attitude it is easy to serve others even when it means that I might be doing something that I wouldn't necessarily like to do. I have been called to love the body of Christ in the same way that Christ loves me; I must sacrifice my wants, my desires, and my own self to the body of believers. In this way I love others and so show my love of God by caring for those whom He has deep care.

As I grow in having such an attitude of obedience and humility of Christ I ask that those who read this may solemnly think upon this and please read Philippians 2.1-11 if nothing else. I need the body of believers and the body needs me to sacrifice myself for it. Please pray for me as I learn to lean on God and trust Him to work through me in my daily life in that I would have the attitude of Christ. Ephesians 4:1-3 says,

"Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

Becoming

2009-02-24T20:26:00.000-05:00

Today in student leader chapel Dan Falls continued the talk that we started last Tuesday on this whole idea of "becoming." This concept is taken from 1 Corinithians 9:19-22

For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some.

These verses signify the required slaughter of my identity. In order to love others I must forsake certain freedoms that I now have. This is what it means to love sacrificially and to put others before self: forsaking who I "am" and becoming the person that people need me to be for them. I am to "become all things to all people." This means that I may have to give up certain things that I may enjoy or do things that I do not enjoy doing. This was a tremendous cut to my heart in regards to the youth group in which I help lead the jr. high guys. It's been difficult for me to totally connect with the guys because I simply do not enjoy most of the things that they enjoy such as: basketball, metal, hockey, piano, skateboarding, etc. There have also been times where the guys are just doing something goofy and I choose to just watch and not be involved because I consider it childish. I am so stuck up on myself, it just sickens me.

I have come to realize that for me to truly show that I love these guys (and anyone else) I must become what they need me to be for them. This might mean doing something that I see as stupid, but that is not even intrinsically bad. I am quick to fall back in the rut of thinking that life is all about me when it's all about Him. He has called me to give of myself to others and take care of those who need me to be Christ for them. He is my identity.

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

-Galations 2:20

Christ's Work in Me

2009-02-17T20:26:00.000-05:00

Lying in my bed the other night was a fairly normal night as I was thinking about different things and trying to quiet my mind so that I could fall asleep. I honestly do not even remember how I started on this line of thought, but suddenly I more fully realized my purpose of being. I have heard it said before that man's purpose is to glorify God above all else. Truly, this is indeed my purpose, but I have always wondered how that really plays out in my life. I know that God is the one who works in and through me and that anything good in me is not of myself but of Him. He is the producer of any good in my life and I only produce bad. This is a somewhat true statement. For surely (apart from God) I can produce nothing that is good but only evil, but what is totally incredible is the new nature that I am given at the moment of salvation. Now I can produce righteousness in my life, for I now have a divine nature at work within me. It had seemed to me that because God was the only one who could do good through my life, that I seemed to have no purpose because I could not do anything. However, it is, in fact, this state of "not doing" that most glorifies God, for when I surrender myself to His purposes for my life, only then can I glorify God. I have been freed from sin and have become a slave of righteousness.

This whole idea of righteousness is a difficult concept for my mind to wrap around. I believe this is partly due to my own inadequate understanding of the Scriptures but mostly to the mystery of righteousness seeing as it is totally contrary to my old nature. For my old nature is still at work within me and is fighting against my new nature that would pursue righteousness and shun evil. I now understand that for much of my life I have been feeding my old nature (either a little or a lot) because I did not understand this new nature within me and could not grasp what it was to walk in the Spirit. I confess that I still do not completely comprehend these, but that I at least know where I must look to find the answers - the Lord Jesus Christ who is the very Word of God.

I tried to change my sleep pattern recently so that I could get more out of every day. I ended up getting 6 hours of sleep throughout the first 24 hours and 3 1/2 hours in the next 24. I have decided that the problem was not that I was not getting enough out of each day, but that, in all reality, I can never get "enough" out of each day, and that I must make the most of the time that I have available (while getting enough sleep to stay healthy). I have recognized that I need to be devoting as much time as possible to prayer and God's Word. These are the most important and all other things are secondary; they are actually not even secondary, but should be insignificant compared to the priority that prayer and God's Word have over my life.

Two weeks ago I finished one of my electives called "Spiritual Disciplines from a Grace Perspective." This was an incredibly profitable class and I fully appreciated my teacher's (Rex Gutwein) perspective on the area of discipline in the Christian's life. This is definitely an area that is easy to fall into legalistic thinking and so deprive one's self of profitable discipline through self-imposed bondage. The sole grade for this class comes from taking upon a discipline for 5-7 days and keeping a journal about it. I have chosen to wake up early every morning in order to spend time in prayer. I wanted to get the most out of this experiment in discipline and so I resolved to choose a discipline that would build my prayer life and require me to deny myself by purposefully waking up early in the morning. I wish to discipline my thinking in regards to prayer and its utter importance in my walk as a believer. This is something that I believe is easily passed over in my time here at NTBI because we are spending so much time in studying the Bible. It is easy to forget the necessity of prayer in my life, but it is indeed a time with God to praise Him, request of Him, interceed on behalf of others, and even to just talk with Him about anything that I am going through in my life. Also, I have chosen to get up early for this prayer time and this is not an easy feat for me as I am not in any way whatsoever a morning person. This is something in which I will also be training my physical body and it's desire for more sleep.

Therefore, I now press on knowing full well that I will fail in this discipline as well as in anything else that I do. This is acceptable because only when I fall down to I learn how to get back up. The important thing is to not think that I cannot fall and to resolve to get up when I do fall. God loves me not because of what I do to please Him (for He is eternally self-sufficient and does not need anything from me), but He loves me because it is His very character to love and He is eternally faithful to those who have faith in Him and have been made new in His Son Jesus Christ.

I would also like to throw out some prayer requests

My prayer life to be passionate
My time in the Word of God to be purposeful
That I would be a testimony of Christ to the Junior High guys in the youth group I help out with
That I will practice spiritual discipline in grace

Now for some praises

As of now my tuition is fully paid for in excess of $9 through the generosity of friends, family, and my church!
This is a continual praise: I am so grateful that Bethany is here at NTBI!

Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him:
God is a refuge for us.

-Psalm 62:8

Life is good

2009-02-10T20:35:00.000-05:00

"I know in whom I believe... and all is well."
-George MacDonald

I do not like it, most of the time, when people ask me how I am doing because I feel that they are not asking how I am really doing and what I'm going through, but that they are rather saying the phrase because it is a cultural norm and they are just expecting "good" or some such pat answer. I no longer care if people ask me this because I now look at such questions as reminders to me of the goodness of God. "I know in whom I believe... and all is well." This is the last sentence in a book by George MacDonald that I recently finished. This is what I think of when people ask me how I am doing. Though my day may not, in all actuality, be going quite like I would have liked it I can still cling to my Savior and declare that "all is well." All is well because I am at peace with God and loved by the author of love.

When I trap myself in looking at my life from my own perspective I only become discouraged by what I see. God wants me to see things from His perspective and so realize that my life is not my own. This literally means that absolutely nothing in life is for my ultimate end. It is so easy to get caught up in my own struggles to understand God and His work in my life that I miss out on the essential part of my life in simply giving my life away - to treat every second of life as something that is only given to me so that I can, in turn, give it away. This is incredibly contrary to everything that I want to believe, but it is absolutely necessary if I wish to truly glorify God. If Jesus gave of Himself for me, I have no right to refuse giving of myself. And yet there is a strong force in me that persuades me that I deserve to keep some for myself. This is utter nonsense! I have been asked by the One who owns me to give up everything that I have in order that He may add unto my lack a glorious abundance that exceeds anything possibly imagined. This is my command and I must obey my Lord.

Life is mine, but not. Getting caught up in my feelings or thoughts will have a negative result on what degree I can give up my life. Surrendering life requires a God focus instead of a self focus. When I realize that life is not about me, then life is good; for I know in whom I believe and all is well.

Back in the Thick of Things

2009-01-22T19:22:00.000-05:00

It has been almost two weeks now that I've been back at NTBI and it already feels like I've been here for an entire semester! I mean this in a good way because that is how much I feel like I have learned in the short time I have been back. The beginning of this semester has been much different than last semester because this time around I felt like I was coming home instead of coming to a foreign place. The first few days that Bethany and I were here I probably introduced her to almost everyone who was there at the school. It was interesting to see how she reacted to everything because it gave me an idea of what I was doing last semester. I honestly don't really remember all the stuff that went on that first week because of all the new things that I was experiencing.

The most important thing that I have learned here in the short time that I have been back is this: to take the Word of God for what is says it is. This seems to be such a simple thing, but it has profoundly changed my life. I started doing some of my homework two days before we officially started classes because I am striving towards discipline this semester and thus found myself reading the book of Deuteronomy. Now, I read Deuteronomy last semester in my Pentateuch class but apparently I learned nothing at all from that because this second time around I fairly drooled over this beautiful book of the Bible.

I never imagined that I would come to love the book of Deuteronomy but I am infinitely grateful that I have done so. Through the pages of this Book I have seen a powerful and loving God. A God who speaks out of darkness in the midst of the fire on a mountain to His people who He has brought out of oppression with a strong and powerful arm. This God so terrified His people with His very voice that they pleaded with Moses to talk with God for them because they were afraid they would die if they heard His voice again. They were surprised that they were alive after hearing God's voice! This is a God who gave to His people such a law that people would wonder at its justice and righteousness. This is a God who promised His people that He would either bless them to the utmost or bring them to desolation in curses. Through this Book I have discovered a mightier God than I have previously known. Reading Deuteronomy with an attitude of discovering God has shattered the box that I have been subconsciously holding Him in this whole time. I could not reconcile my own thoughts of who God is with what He Himself was telling me through His Word. Oh how I wish that all such inferior thoughts of the Almighty God might so shatter into dust and blow away in the winds of foolish thinking!

I cannot begin to tell of the multitude of things that I have learned of God, but I will make an effort to communicate my new knowledge of Him sequentially and soon. I wish to end this blog by thanking those who have supported me throughout my life. Without friends and family to support me I would long ago have fallen in the dust of discouragement. Yet I steadfastly cling to Him for He clings to me. I fall to my knees in gratefulness for His work in the lives of those whom He has used to work in my own life. Rejoice with me in the Master's work and let us obediently follow Him in love for He has first loved us.

Humbled

2008-11-24T18:57:00.000-05:00

"Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the LORD and turn away from evil."
Proverbs 3:7

About a month ago I went through one of the most character building, attitude changing, and spirit shaping times of my entire life. I was satisfied in God alone. Alone. Only Him. I was content in who He is rather than in my circumstances.

Here's the story. It was the field day between our campus and our sister campus in Waukesha, Wisconsin. It was to be a day full of soccer, ultimate frisbee, softball, and football. I signed up for the ultimate frisbee and football teams and made both of them. Our ultimate frisbee team lost, but I wasn't that upset because I was looking forward to playing some football. This coming game would be the first official football game I played for almost an entire year since last year's season. I went over to the field about twenty minutes before we were to start so that I could warm up and stretch before everybody else was there. I was pumped and totally ready to play some football. To make a long story short: I went in a total of four plays the entire game and spent the rest of the time on the sidelines. Throughout the game my heart went through a tornado of emotions. I was disappointed because I wasn't being able to play. I had given up going to help out at youth group in order to make the last practice because the coach said it was important. I had put out a lot of effort at the practices and had been fully expecting to play. I was angry because I was being treated like some "benchwarmer." I had spent less time on the sideline during my last year of football than I did playing in this game. I was sad because nobody cared that I wasn't playing. It didn't even seem like my teammates noticed that I didn't get to go in. We ended up losing; what hurt was not losing, rather it was not being able to play. A thousand questions were swirling around inside my mind. Why was the coach not putting me in? Doesn't he know how good I am? Don't I deserve to be in there? Aren't I as good, if not better, as (at least) some of the other players? One moment I felt like punching the fence hoping that physical action would relieve my anger. The next I felt like crying. The game was over and there was nothing I could do about my situation.

After the game we took a group picture on the bleachers. I went over to the stands portraying almost no emotion on my face as I went and just chose a spot and sat down. As everyone was settling in, a good friend told me that I had done a good job in the game. I just turned around to face her with a blank look on my face and looked at her for a few seconds then went back to staring ahead into space without saying a word. As I sat there I heard her say something to the effect that I was apparently angry. I didn't know what to think about this whole ordeal. I was filled with anger and grief but I also knew that I shouldn't really be having this bad attitude. My reaction was to simply shut off any kind of display of emotion and try to figure out what was going on inside my head. The drive back to school was about fifteen minutes long and I struggled with everything that I was thinking and feeling after this game.

I began to have a change of heart as I examined all that had happened with this football game. I definitely had a reason to be angry from a worldly perspective. However, I also knew that I shouldn't be angry about this game. I had been able to be on the team; some people didn't even make the team. I was able to play a couple of plays when other people did not get to play at all. My pettiness was beginning to be revealed as I looked deeper into my heart. What was I angry about? Not being able to play a football GAME? Here I was worried, angry, and on the verge of tears over a silly game (in the grand scheme of things). People all over the world are starving and dying and here I sit complaining about not being able to play as much as I wanted to. My selfishness was yet to be revealed in full. I looked out the window of the car and viewed a magnificent sunset. It was a beautiful mix of orange, yellow and red. This fairly ordinary sunset made me remember how utterly enormous God is. Here was a simple act of nature that is but a whisper of the glory and majesty of God and yet is like a mighty shout against my pride.

My entire problem was that I was completely focused on myself and not thinking at all about God or others. I was wallowing in pity and burning with indignation because I hadn't gotten what I wanted. I had put my hopes into this game and was tragically let down. I was then faced with a choice: would I continue to be discontent in my circumstance or would I find contentment solely in who God is and not even worry about my circumstances. I chose to be content in God. This was one of the most difficult choices of my life to make, but it was amazing how I suddenly seemed to feel a cascade of peace and joy roll over me. None of my previous problems mattered anymore because I was able to find total contentment in God. I recognized that this game had hurt me emotionally, but I could also praise God for using the game to draw me into a deeper understanding of His character and my standing before Him. Never before have I felt such a close fellowship with God. For the first time ever in my life I chose to obey God when there was no apparent profit whatsoever in choosing obedience.

This experience has encouraged me through other trials I have faced since then. I am able to look back on this and remember that I can be content in God aside from any circumstance. I know that God is molding me according to his plans for my life. My only prayer is that I humble myself in surrender to His will so that I will be molded through obedience rather than broken in disobedience.

I forget

2008-10-25T01:33:00.000-04:00

I have a constant problem with forgetfulness. It seems that I forget important things ALL the time. Some examples: I once lost my wallet, when I was a kid, up at my great-grandma's cabin and one year later when we returned I found it in the couch cushions. Everytime I go on a trip I will forget at least one item I wanted/needed to bring (and I do mean EVERY time). I once forgot my class ring at a burger place near the University of Idaho and fortunately it was found by a kind college student who worked at the burger place and gave it to a friend of mine at U of I to give to me later. In elementary school I lost my soccer ball and several coats because I forgot them on the playground. The summer after my eighth grade year my class took a trip to Washington, D.C. where I bought this cool coin separater, as a souvenier, that looked like the picture of George Washington off the dollar bill. I lost it the first day I had it when we took a ferry across a river and I left it on there. I forgot one of my suit jackets at a friend's house after a night of salsa dancing and still have not gone to get it yet. All this to say that I am very prone to forget.

Sometimes I think that I forget about things around me because I am extremely apt at remembering information (such as for tests or hard factual data) and thus I have less room to fit the memories of things happening in everyday life. This might have a ring of validity to it, but we'll just go ahead and say that I'm a very forgetful young man and leave it at that.

This forgetfulness impacts my life much more than in things like forgetting my phone somewhere; it has deep roots in the emotional, spiritual, and social aspects of my life. I find it difficult to remember the emotions that I have experienced; whether they be such as grief, helplessness, joy, happiness, awe, love, or numerous others. While the feeling of certain emotions in a situation should not be given too high a status in the understanding of one's circumstances, this does not necessarily mean that they serve no purpose at all. For God has indeed made us emotional beings who have feelings that can be very strong at times. If we were perfect and the whole world was without sin, we would be able to completely trust our feelings. However, since we and this world are corrupted with sin, our feelings are also corrupted and we are not able to determine rightly in regard to our feelings and emotions. Though we may not be able to put complete trust in our emotions, it is good to remember the emotions we experience at times in our life. If it be sorrow, let us remember our grief and look to the one who bore all of our sorrows. If it be joy, let us remember that true happiness is found in giving God the glory He deserves. If it be a broken heart, let us remember God's broken heart for His creation that have rejected Him though he would love them wholeheartedly. If it be love, let us remember the ultimate example of love - that of Jesus, the Son of God, dying on the cross for our sins so that we will not have to suffer the penalty for our sins which is eternal separation from God. If only I could better remember my emotions so that I could be a more faithful servant of my King.

There have been times in my life of great and impacting spiritual growth or decline that I find difficult to remember on a daily basis. I must remember those times in my life when I was close to God and also when I lived out of fellowship with Him; the remembrance of both of those parts of my life will help me to better live for God today. Remembering the times where I walked out of fellowship with God is important because if I do not remember how easy it is to fall away from Him, how dirty my sin makes me, and how sin only brought temporary pleasure but left me in guilt and shame, then I will once again fall back into the depths of my sinful desires. Though dwelling on my sin is not healthy, it is good to recognize my sin, it's effects, and how to better avoid it in the future. I can only do this by remembering my past failures and then reading God's Word which will guide me in glorifying God. I have repeatedly forgotten the grossness of sin in my own life and have chased after it time and time again. It seems to be so easy to forget the total wrongness of my sin and focus on that brief satisfaction it provides. It is vital to remember that sin only offers lies and that true satisfaction comes solely from God. Some of the most important things that I forget are the times when I am close to God and the things that God has taught me through prayer and His Word. Sometimes I wonder how I could forget something that God has shown me as quickly as the next day. For I know that God loves me yet I have felt unloved. I know that God is always with me watching over everything I do yet I have thought that He was far away from me. I know that I am no longer a slave to sin yet I have felt in bondage to sin. I know that I am set apart for holiness unto God yet I have not sought purification in Him. I know that my destination is Heaven yet I have focused my efforts on the things of this world rather than on the Heavenly Kingdom. Oh that I may constantly realize the depravity that sin leads to and the complete joy of walking with God.

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
-Philippians 4:8 (NASB)

My prayer is that I will be in constant remembrance of God's work in my life. He knows the big picture and my view is so small. I am but a small child who one moment rests safely in his father's arms and the next is in tears because he thinks his father has left him. May I comprehend the deepest depths of His love in order to worship Him as He is meant to be worshiped. The mind of man is swift to forget, but the God Almighty over the whole universe is faithful to remember His promises for He is good.

The cost of discipleship

2008-10-18T12:57:00.000-04:00

The speaker this last Friday for Special Emphasis was Rick Johnson. Rick is a missionary who works mostly in Tijuana but also in other places in Central and South America. He was also our speaker in chapel on Wednesday and Thursday. This man is truly a disciple of Jesus Christ! He challenged me in my walk with Christ, encouraged me to strive forward with diligence, and urged me to give everything to the Savior.

On Thursday Rick spoke of the gratefulness we, as Christians, should have for the free gift of salvation given us by God Almighty. He shared with us a passage in the gospel of Matthew about the ten lepers who were healed by Jesus. This passage tells us how only one of the ten who were healed came back to Jesus, fell at His feet, and thanked Him. How many of us Christians simply take the blessings that Christ gives us and then merrily go our way without thanking Him? I know I have done this a multitude of times. Why do we not run back to Jesus and thank Him for saving us? I know that I do not do this most of the time because I am exceedingly selfish and usually only think of myself and my own needs. The true disciple of Christ will constantly be on his face in utter worship and thankfulness. Oh that I might completely realize my utter worthlessness without Jesus. It is His work on the cross that has paid the penalty for MY sins. It is His rising from the dead that ensures I will also be raised again from death unto an eternal life with God. I must praise His name and pour out my gratitude without ceasing. It's all about Him!

On Friday Rick spoke about the true cost of being a disciple of Jesus. Being a disciple of Jesus means being willing to give up absolutely everything, including one's life, for Him. I have also heard it said: "Salvation costs us nothing, being a disciple costs us everything." There was literally a point in Jesus' ministry where he told the people following Him that if they could only follow Him if they were willing to give up everything in order to follow Him. The Bible records that many left Him at this time. It is so easy to get caught up in thinking that I only have to give some of myself to Him, but, in all reality, he wants it all! I have been bought with the blood of Christ and he owns me now. I am a slave of Christ and should not be surprised if I am treated as a slave. I am owned by a gracious and loving Master but I am still a slave. This slavery is not unto hardships that endure for though I will face numerous trials in this life, I have the promise of an eternal reward of everlasting life. The cost of faithfully following after Christ will cost me everything: my comfort, ambitions, dreams, family, and perhaps even my own life. The sacrifice, in and of itself, of these things that I hold dear is not what is good, for not everything I hold dear is intrinsically bad. Rather, it is a supreme focus on Jesus Christ that results in the giving up of everything else.

I have been examining my own heart and the cost of following after Christ has been steadily sinking in. I have always known that the life of a missionary requires a lot of sacrifice in giving up many of the comforts that I, as an American, enjoy and that missionary life is very difficult. I have never grasped the full meaning of this until I started to wonder what it would be like if and when I ended up on the mission field. The cost of giving up everything I now have to go live in another country where I will have little to none of the things I currently possess is extremely high. Or is it? God himself became man and died for my sins. Is there anything less that I could do than giving Him everything? My life is short. Will I lose my life for Him so that I may gain it in the end or will I seek gain in this life rather than for His kingdom? The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Oh, that I may never lose my focus on Him alone. He is my Captain. May I follow Him and give my life, my strength, my all for Him!

Running out of gas

2008-10-04T09:45:00.000-04:00

This past week on Tuesday I ran out of gas. I simply felt emotionally, spiritually, and physically empty and hollow. It was a very sudden drop for I had spent the previous hours in the Word of God and prayer but about half an hour before dinner on Tuesday I felt like I had nothing left in me. Tuesday night I was reading in Psalm 25 and verses 16-17 described exactly what I was feeling.

Turn Yourself to me, and have mercy on me,
For I am desolate and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have englarged;
Bring me out of my distresses!

I think what brought this emptiness to my heart was a combination of missing home, family, and friends, completely surrendering all my hopes and desires to Him and then struggling with letting God reshape my life into what He desires it to be. My soul was in bitter anguish and I felt as if there was no escape. All of life's worries and troubles seemed to just pour out on me all at once and I was overwhelmed in this tidal wave. I had been trying so hard to give up my life to Christ so that I could be more like Him and live in such a way as to bring glory to Him. I came to the realization that night that I just could not do it. I can't live the Christian life and I can't even handle life in general. In the depths of my despair I was crying out to God to comfort me and show me that He loved me. I read His Word but it did not touch my heart. I prayed to Him but seemed to receive no answer. Where was God?

The next day was Day of Prayer and Chris Darland spoke in chapel to start off the day. He spoke about the rest that we find in God and how it is different from what we usually see as rest. Jesus told us to take His yoke upon us because He will carry the load and we just need to follow along. He also shared how God is a God of comfort and comforts us in our needs so that we can comfort others. How amazing that we should be talking about this in chapel the day after I was in desperate need of such rest in Him and comfort from His hand. I spent the rest of the morning talking to one of the staff here, praying while walking around the park, reading my Bible, and talking to my Dad for almost an hour. Talking to my Dad really encouraged me because a lot of the verses that he shared with me I had recently read and so they were made that much more real to what was going on in my life. One thing that really stuck out to me about what my dad shared was from a verse in Psalm 30:5b, "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." All my sorrows are really only temporary for my true joy is in the LORD and he will not leave me in biting despair. In these times of trouble and inner turmoil God seems to do most of his molding and shaping us into better tools for His use.

I am doing much better now, but it is indeed humbling to realize that I am completely empty without God. I now strive to live in such a way that every moment I am in an attitude recognizing that any good thing in me is not of me but of God's work in me. I am a twisted shell of a man, but in Christ I am a new creation. He has made the old new. Oh that I may humble myself so that God would be seen through me and praised!

For those of you who read this I ask that you will pray for me:
That I will humble myself before my Lord
That I will praise God when I find myself in a pit of life.
That I will rejoice in the LORD always.
That I will come to see life from God's perspective instead of mine.

Casting Crowns sings:

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

All my cares

2008-09-29T23:30:00.000-04:00

Cares Chorus

I cast all my cares upon You

I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet

and anytime that I don't know what to do

Iwill cast all my cares upon You

All of this last week I was being constantly challenged to cast my cares at the feet of Jesus. There are certain things that I have been constantly thinking about that have almost brought me to the verge of tears while in class. There have been times when my heart felt crushed, shattered, and broken. I felt like I was slowly and mercilessly being pushed to the ground and stepped upon. The worst thing about it was that since I was struggling so inwardly, nobody could tell I was going through this hardship. The only one I could turn to was God.

What was amazing about this last week was that through my inward anguish I came to find peace and joy in trusting God with my troubles. Throughout the week I would be thinking about something that was hurting me and then soon after I would be encouraged in this area by something brought up in a class or chapel. My walk as a Christian has never seemed so applicable to my life. For the first time ever I have experienced true comfort by simply giving up my sufferings to God. I had to come to the point where I told God that I could not handle it anymore and that I was going to let Him take care of it. Simply reminding myself in any situation I found myself in that God has a plan and a purpose in everything that happens brought a true sense of peace to my life. In the midst of the storms of my anguish I found shelter in God, who is my stronghold.

In my Job class especially I have been challenged repeatedly to give praise to God in ALL circumstances; whether they seem to be good or bad. I seem to struggle more with actually examining my walk with Christ regardless of the circumstances I find myself in. I've found it incredibly easy to just assume that when things happen to me that I perceive as being very good God is blessing me because I am following after Him. When life seems good I want to be even more aware of my relationship with God so that I may not walk into temptation or pride.

There is so much more that I might share with you that you may more completely understand my anguish, but I share this so that you may understand how God is comforting me and how you also can find complete security in Him. May God's name be praised: in heart sickness, in happy hearts, in physical pain, in healthy bodies, in troubled souls, in rejoicing souls, in exhaustion, in vigor, and in all things.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Who am I?

2008-09-20T01:35:00.001-04:00

Who am I to be loved by the God of the universe?

Who am I to be saved from utter desolation?

Who am I to be able to call God "Father"?

Who am I to be declared righteous before God?

Who am I?

I am nothing.

HE is everything.

The more time I study and reflect on the Word of God and call on His name in prayer, the more I understand that I am truly nothing and God is everything. As a sinner I am a cursed man and fully deserve to be snuffed out by God. He is holy, righteous and completely perfect; it would be perfectly just for Him to destroy me. However, He is also loving; He wants to save me from myself.

So who exactly am I? I am one of the Redeemed. I have been brought back into fellowship with God. The price of this was the death of Jesus, who is the Christ, on the cross and His raising from the dead after three days. Through the work of Jesus my old sinful self has been done away with and I have been brought into new life in God. There's nothing I did or can do to ever deserve this relationship I now possess. The Bible clearly shows, through the course of history, that God has always been the initiator in man's salvation. He ALWAYS is the one who saves us. There has never been a man who has first called on God; God is the initiator.

I am a very prideful young man. I am so quick to take pride in my many merits. How foolish am I? God is the one who has blessed me with the very things I take pride in! Instead of giving glory to Him I naturally take honor for myself. May I realize every moment of the day has been given to me for the sole purpose of glorifying God. I believe that pride is the root of all other sins. Pride says that I am more important and I want to do what I want to do. I pray that God will transform me into a humble man so that I can life His name above all else.

I was a sinner dead in my sin and on the path to Hell. I was as a blind man who was falling and reaching out for something to catch my fall. God caught my hand that was outstretched and believing that He could help me up.

Who am I?

I am loved and because of this I love others.

I am saved and because of this I thank God.

I am His adopted child and because of this I cry out to my Father.

I am set apart and because of this I give honor to His name.

I am nothing.

HE is everything.

Tick tock goes the clock

2008-09-11T10:32:00.000-04:00

Our days on earth are like grass;
like wildflowers, we bloom and die.
The wind blows, and we are gone-
as though we had never been here.

Psalm 103:15-16 (NLT)

Dan Falls, the Dean of Students, spoke today in chapel from this passage in Psalm 103. He talked about how the time that we have here on earth is incredibly short. We deceive ourselves into thinking that we have plenty of time to do whatever we want/need to do, but in all reality we have no time at all. As Christians, we are called to be like Christ and we know from the Bible that this takes time. When faced with the problem of having almost no time to live and needing time to be like Christ most Christians choose one of two options. They either give up because it is obviously impossible to be like Christ in the short time we have or they strive to do everything necessary to be like Christ even though they know they will fail. There is, however, a third option.

In my last post I talked about what I have been learning from the Bible and how it has been changing me. Remarkbly Dan spoke today about how we can be changed by looking at the image of Christ. There's something remarkable that happens when I hold Christ up and look at who He is and then look at who I am. This is the only way to become more like Christ in the short time we have. It doesn't matter how many good things I do or how many character faults that I correct in myself; I will still never be like Christ until I look at Him for who He is and rely on Him to change me from within.

One thing that really hit me during chapel was that I was living the life of the person trying to live the Christian life because I knew it was what I was supposed to do. I failed all the time and never saw any real growth in my life. I now understand that I was trying on my own power the whole time and had never fully submitted all of myself to God. Building a relationship with Jesus brings me closer to Him, not doing "Christian things" (however good they may be).

Well, the time is now. I possess but a blip of time until I die and this time should be filled with reflecting the glory of God! Nothing else matters. Every day, every hour, every minute, and every second that I have is more time to look at the Son of God and let him transform me into a likeness of Himself.

The Bible

2008-09-10T23:31:00.000-04:00

I will praise You, O Lord, among the peoples;

I will sing to You among the nations.

Psalm 57:10

The Bible is amazing! As I read this book and learn the truth from it's pages I am overwhelmed with wonder. Lately I have sometimes felt like a little child who is eager for a cookie from the cookie jar. Yesterday I was reading Ezra and I thought that I was going to only read for about 4 chapters, but suddenly I found myself nearing the end of chapter 6. Just right now as I was looking back to that passage I laughed at myself because I was eagerly flipping through the pages of my Bible without even realizing so at first. The realization that this Bible is indeed the very Word of GOD is finally sinking into my stubborn brain. I have always known this to be true and even, at times, understood it in some small way, but to live this knowledge and understanding out is remarkably different.

My greatest regret, as of now, is that I did not pay more attention to the Bible when I was younger nor devote myself to reading from it day by day. Tasting of the small part that I am now beginning to unravel from God's Book, I wish that I had not tried living my own life apart from the Bible. I feel terrible loss in that I have not been seeking out the truth from God's Word as I know I should have. What makes my angry at myself is this: that I knew all along the power of the Word, but stubbornly resisted claiming that power which was literally right at my fingertips. My only thought of what has kept me from actively reading from the Bible is that my own sin that I held on to kept me out of good fellowship with God. This smeared my vision of God's pure, clear, and holy Word. Sin only brings death.

In my time here at NTBI I have felt like all my sins are being brought to the surface. I am noticing almost every single thing that I am doing wrong that I used to do almost without any second thoughts about it. It seems to me that when I am examining and berating myself for not sharing the gospel with the checkout lady at Wal-Mart, I am not even thinking about committing any other sin. I know that I sin all the time and it has only been in my time here that I have actually been looking at every action I take and then holding it up against what I know God would have me do. I do not believe that it is the environment here; though it is indeed an excellent environment to learn from the Bible. I believe it is simpler than that. I believe that God has been working in my heart as I have been steadily soaking up the truth from His Word. One of my roommates who is an older student shared how gold that is refined first brings up all the dross to the surface of the melting gold. Right now I am only seeing the dross and all the things that God is purifying out of me. But God is looking at me and saying, "Dave, I know that you've done a lot of bad things and I know that you are finally seeing the great multitude of your sins, but right now I'm seeing that pure gold that is right under the surface of all that dross. I'm seeing you as a man who's been clothed in righteousness and you are completely accepted by Me."

Let's cover my life story in a nutshell.

I was dead in my sin with no hope.
Jesus died so that I would not have to die.
I had faith in this and was bought back by God to be in His family.
I have now been 'declared righteous' and one day I will be 'made righteous.'
The sin nature is still a part of me, but I no longer have to be a slave to it.
When I choose to sin rather than walk with God I can ask forgiveness and my fellowship with God will be right again.
The Bible is what gives me the power to defeat sin in my life and live for God.

Now that I am finally craving the Bread of Life, I feel compelled to share what I know of God with others. This is overwhelmingly difficult for me, but I know that it really shouldn't be. I should have an astounding joy for the Gospel and eagerly tell others about it. This is my desire: to realize my total inadequacy in all things and God's complete authority over all things. God has told me to share His story with those who have not heard. I should do it, but why haven't I? Satan wants to keep the Christian from doing three things: reading the Bible so that it is understood, praying in such a way that God is the focus, and sharing the Gospel with the lost. I earnestly believe that I can share the Gospel in confidence, because the Bible tells me I can. I could keep on going on forever about the Bible, but I will choose to limit myself to these words already here. Go read from the Bible and let it amaze you again and again.

The Church

2008-09-03T20:44:00.000-04:00

Oh how I love the church and the body of believers! I am constantly amazed at the fellowship that I am able to have with complete strangers. Two Sundays ago I attended Cascades Baptist Church here in Jackson, Michigan. I had gone there the first Sunday I was here when my parents were dropping me off at college. That first Sunday I thoroughly enjoyed the singing and the sermon that was opened to us. I was determined to go the next Sunday so I searched for a ride and was able to be there again the next week. One of the songs we sang that morning was "Knowing You" Here are the lyrics to that song:

All I once held dear built my life upon
All this world reveres, and wars to own
All I once thought gain I have counted loss
Spent and worthless now, compared to this

Knowing you, Jesus knowing you
There is no greater thing
You're my all you're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love you, Lord

Now my heart's desire is to know you more
To be found in you, and known as yours
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh to know the power of your risen life
And to know you in your suffering
To become like you in your death my Lord
So with You to live
And never die

As I sang this song in church that morning I started crying because these words so perfectly spoke of what I myself have been going through. I have been struggling with leaving behind all the things of this world so that I can see more of Jesus Christ. My flesh has strong desires to many things in this world and most of them are not even, in and of themselves, sinful. However, they should always be second to Christ and sometimes I make them more than Him. I am beginning to understand how Christ totally satisfies my every need and this is rocking my world. Things that I used to do without a second thought I have to question myself to see if I am putting them before God. Now I am still learning how to have a sensitive heart to the will of God and so I do not always think before I act, but I am striving toward that.

Back to church. After the service I went to one of the adult sunday schools where we were talking about the fruit of the spirit. I have to admit that I wasn't totally paying attention, but I was certainly trying to. Most of it was just not sticking to my understanding. After Sunday School an elderly man came up to me, as everybody was milling about and talking, and began to talk to me. He asked me some things about myself and then started to open up some things in his own life to tell me how God had worked in his own life to change him. Even though he was standing somewhat uncomfortablely close to my face, I actually didn't even really mind because I was so amazed at this man sharing his life to me, a total stranger! I was incredibly encouraged after this and didn't want to stop talking to him, but after about ten minutes my ride was leaving so I had to say goodbye.

The Church is indeed a unique organism. Many of us Christians of today disagree in numerous ways and on a multitude of topics. Now while I am in no way putting down the importance of doctrine I am tired of the ceaseless arguments between the different denominations. As the Christian rapper, Flame, says in his song "words like election and predestination can get you stoned and thrown out of a congregation, but they're in the Bible we gotta talk, talk about it... we can still love each other and share our thoughts about it." While I may not agree with certain things like modern day speaking in tongues or miracles I can still love my fellow brother in Christ and speak with him about these things in gentleness. Perhaps if we did this we could all be better witnesses for Christ. Maybe even if we thoroughly studied the Scriptures in an attitude of gentleness and kindness when seeking out answers to these things that are difficult to fully comprehend, we would more accurately see what God is telling us through His holy and infallible Word. Enough of my thoughts about this; God is still God and He is the Sovereign King.

I want to end this post by saying that I love the fellowship of believers and am extremely thankful for the body of Christ. I want to live my life in such a way that knowing Jesus is truly the most important thing. "Knowing YOU... there is NO greater thing!"

Settling into life here at NTBI

2008-08-26T21:21:00.000-04:00

I want to start this blog off by sharing one of the things I learned here during Orientation (of all things). Dan Falls, the Dean of Students, was explaining some of the rules that NTBI has. Some rules that he covered were no dancing, no movies over PG to be viewed in the dorms, and how the limit of PDA was holding hands (even to dating and engaged couples). Since these were some topics that might cause tension he started to explain the philosophy that NTBI has developed. We, as Christians, have freedom in Christ to do many things. However, some activities that we are totally and completely free to do we should withhold from doing in certain circumstances. We should not be a slave to our freedom in Christ. That just because I have the freedom in Christ to dance (and I believe that dancing can be a way to glorify God), I should not make myself a slave to this freedom by choosing to dance even when others might think less of me (and the faith) for doing so. It does not matter if I have the freedom to do this and if it is completely innocent of wrong. The problem is if I am being an effective witness for Christ. Paul said that he became like every kind of person so that he could share the Gospel with them better (paraphrase). I have really been challenged by this statement about how I act with others. I should not freely express anything that I feel comfortable with when another might have problems with it. This does not mean that it may be right for someone to look down on me for something like dancing (except if I am doing so in a sinful manner), but rather I should not tempt a fellow brother or sister in Christ to do something they consider sin. Anyways, this has greatly influenced how I've been trying to act in every situation I find myself in.

I want to share the verse that I am memorizing for a class.
"All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work."
2 Timothy 3:16-17

I have also been reading a book about the sufficiency that we have in Christ. This verse confirms that the Word of God completely satisfies every need that we have. All the other things of this world that we think we need are all temporary in comparison to the eternal life that began with our salvation and will continue forever in fellowship with God.

On a little more personal level and less theological level I have been greatly enjoying my time here at NTBI. I have been involved in footsol (sp?), volleyball, ultimate frisbee, swimming, sweeping floors, taking out trash, dish crew, doing laundry, making my bed (every day...), reading a lot, working out a little, ping pong, and hanging out with friends. Oh, I also get to clean the stove top every day except Sunday. This is always a very fun job (I'm joking here a little bit, but I do TRY to always have a good and positive attitude) where I clean off the stove by washing it with water/ soapy water and then scrubbing it down really hard; then I get to take the dish that collected all the grease from the day's food and the water I used to wash the top of the stove and dump that down the drain. Woohoo, this happens every day after dinner. I'm getting fairly good at it, so it doesn't take too long. God has been good in providing great friends already and I am very thankful for this. The food is okay... but definitely not like home, which is pretty disappointing to my stomach every single day. However, God is indeed good and is helping me develop patience in these many situations.

The beginning of a new life in Jackson, Michigan

2008-08-19T22:21:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is my first day of classes here at New Tribes Bible Institute (NTBI)! I must say that I am EXTREMELY excited about the classes here! I can't wait to learn all that the staff will share with me from God's Word. But we should really go back to how this all started; so here we go!

I was challenged at Teen Leadership Retreat over this past Christmas Break by the speaker, Brad Buser, who shared his life as a missionary. He grew up in southern California and was not raised in a Christian family. He was invited by one of his close surfing buddies (he was actually on his school's surf team which is a HUGE thing in a southern California beach city) to youth group at a local church. The youth pastor there spoke the truth straight to their hearts and even though most of the kids who came didn't really like him they still came because what he talked about really caught their attention. Anyways, long story short: Brad ended up putting his faith in Jesus and was challenged by his youth pastor to pursue missionary work as a lifelong work. Therefore, Brad headed to NTBI, went through the training, (got married) and left for Papua New Guinea where he spent numerous years with a tribe that had NEVER heard of anything from the Bible. He learned the language, lived with the tribe, and eventually translated all of the New Testament and parts of the Old Testament into the tribe's language. Did I mention that he first had to learn the language and THEN make a written language for their solely oral language so that they could read the Bible?

There was a lot more that he shared with us, but I don't really have the time to share his whole story with you. He really challenged me to be willing to give up EVERYTHING in the work of sharing the gospel. I therefore started to pursue going to NTBI the next fall. Even though the road that brought me here to Jackson, Michigan has not been easy, I have certainly had the clearest view of what God wants me to do. After a month of work at Camp Pinewood as a counselor, my small savings account, and incredibly generous gifts given me by my family and my church I am now able to be here at NTBI.

I want to thank everyone who has helped support me; whether it was finances, discipleship, prayer, MORE prayer, friendship, or just plain ol' love for this sinful guy named David Duron. You cannot possibly know how much your support has meant to me and how it has helped me to be where I am today. I wish that I could name everyone who has supported me in these many ways, but there are way too many for me to remember and I would probably forget numerous people and then hurt your feelings. So I'm just gonna say THANK YOU! again to everyone who has been a part of my life.

Through these past four days that I have been here I have already experienced the love of God in profound ways. But being here is also a brand new phase of my life where I must begin providing for myself. This is, truthfully, really scary for me. I have always been dependant on my parents to provide for me which they have lovingly done for 18 years. My parents also believe that I shouldn't have to get a job in high school because school should be my job and I wasn't yet an adult. Well, now I'm an adult and need to figure out how I'm going to pay for my needs in this "adult" world. Fortunately I am not totally independent yet; my family and church have paid a huge part in helping me with the finances needed to go to NTBI. But I do feel that I need to get a job so that I can pay for college. I've been praying about this and today during a break in orientation I talked to the head of the business office and asked him, real quickly, if I could talk to him later about help in getting a job. About three seconds after I walked out of the auditorium, a guy started to ask if anyone needed a job so I instantly said "YES." He then told me about his job that he was quitting but wanted to find someone else who could take his position since he was leaving. This seemed like a total answer to prayer so I have been talking more to him about this job. Later on I talked to the head of the business office for about 15 minutes about how I should approach getting the finances I need. He helped me quite a bit by giving me pointers on how to make it more likely for me to get a job and even showed me about how much money I would need to make in order to pay for the rest of the semester.

This is what is going on in my life right now and I pray that you will pray for me as I go out seeking for a job. I know that God will provide, but I also know that I might not fully comprehend what that means until I KNOW that I can't provide for myself and He provides for my needs.

God is marvelously big

2008-08-19T18:43:00.000-04:00

By the word of the LORD the heavens were made,
And all the host of them by the breath of His mouth.
He gathers the waters of the sea together as a heap;
He lays up the deep in storehouses.

Let all the earth fear the LORD;
Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him.
For He spoke, and it was done:
He commanded, and it stood fast.

The LORD brings the counsel of the nations to nothing;
He makes the plans of the peoples of no effect.
The counsel of the LORD stands forever,
The plans of His heart to all generations.
Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD,
The people He has chosen as His own inheritance.

The LORD looks from heaven;
He sees all the sons of men.
From the place of His dwelling He looks
On all the inhabitants of the earth;
He fashions their hearts individually;
He considers all their works.
-Psalm 33:6-15 (NKJV)

Wow! Isn't God huge! He has created this universe which is so incredibly gigantic that the earth is smaller than a dust speck when in relation to all of creation. Tonight I was invited to watch a video of Louie Giglio (sp?) by Josh Beaudin in his apartment with a couple other people. Giglio laid out how immense these certain stars are that have been photographed by the Hubble telescope. He laid it out step by step, getting to larger and larger stars. He ended with a fairly recently discovered star called Canis Majoris that is so big that it could fit 7 quadrillion earths inside of it. To get a sense of how big that really is, one quadrillion seconds ago would be about 37 million years ago. It is simply enormous, and yet there are perhaps even bigger stars out there that we can't even see. The galaxy that some of these stars are from is 37 million light years away and is only one of millions of other galaxies in the universe. Now look at little baby earth. Then realize that you are just one of about 6.5 billion people on earth. Doesn't that make you feel just a bit small?

He then went on to talk about how this amazing God who created this humongously humongous universe formed each and every one of us with intimate care. This ginormous God is completely aware of everything about me and you. He then went on to say that the true miracle is each and every one of us and how we are made. Jesus Christ is literally the one who holds us together. Look up "laminin" in an image search. This is the protein that basically holds our body together. Prepare to be shocked.After we watched this video we talked for about an hour and a half or so. Josh really opened his heart about this thing we, as Christians, all seem to struggle with: evangelism. 2 Timothy 1:7-9 says, "God did not give us a spirit that makes us afraid but a spirit of power and love and self-control. So do not be ashamed to tell people about our Lord Jesus, and do not be ashamed of me, in prison for the Lord. But suffer with me for the Good News. God, who gives us the strength to do that, saved us and made us his holy people. That was not because of anything we did ourselves but because of God purpose and grace. That grace was given to us through Christ Jesus before time began." Josh talked about how he had been asking God to help him share the gospel with anybody, so he asked God for the bravery to talk to people. Then he thought about how he could get the strength and so he thought that if he truly loved every person then he would be brave enough to share the gospel with them. He then thought about how he could start loving all people. He then thought about how God's Word is the best way to learn about divine love and how to love others how God loves them so he decided that he needed more discipline in his Bible reading. God then led him straight to this verse in 2 Timothy. Now isn't God awesome and totally amazing?!

I know that my words to describe the utter majesty of God will forever fall short of how above everything He is. I believe that God used that time to reshape my view of Him and also how I should interact in the world. No longer can I use the excuse that I am not skilled enough to share the gospel with someone. Wake up! When I assume that God cannot use my possibly bumbling presentation of the gospel I am saying that God is not big and powerful enough to use even me. God doesn't NEED me, but He desperately wants me to share his Good News about His Son dying for the sins of mankind because that is how He has chosen to spread the word of the gospel. He COULD simply send out all his angels to go over every inch of the earth and tell the gospel to every single human being, but he has told us in Matthew 28:19 to "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." By me saying this, it first applies to me. I need to take the opportunities that God gives to me to share the gospel with everyone I meet. So now I encourage you to do the same and you now also can NOT use the excuse that you can't share the Gospel effectively. YOU will never save anyone; the Holy Spirit is the one who does that. Realize that God's Word is "sharper than a double-edged sword" as it says in Hebrews and THAT is the truth that will lead to an unbeliever's salvation. God gives us countless opportunities to share the "hope that we have within us" so just wait and He'll give you another one. I pray that God will bless you with this knowledge as He has richly blessed me already in my time here at New Tribes Bible Institute.

"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD God Almighty!"